Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tibs has always reminded me of Christina Applegate.
If you go to MorphThing.com and combine Tibs and Christina, this is what you get!
Christina should be so lucky.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Gentle readers, you don’t have to take a bunch of online quizzes to find out who you are. If you forget, I’ll tell you. That’s what friends are for. I’ve created my own quiz to help you assess your attitudes toward keeping house.
Now, men, don’t feel slighted if I’ve left you out of the loop. I know there are many of you that do your share around the house. If it makes you feel any better you can come over to my house and make bread and fold laundry. But you can’t use my Dyson. Then what would I do for fun?
How would you characterize your cleaning routine?
A. It’s a top priority. Nothing else happens until the house is in order. Certain chores are done on specific days.
B. I clean when I have time and when company is coming over.
C. Love me, love my mess.
Which answer best describes your attitude towards laundry?
A. I pre-treat stains. I fold promptly. I never let ironing or laundry sit.
B. I have a regular laundry day.
C. I get dressed out of the dryer.
How would you characterize your feeling on household cleaners?
A. I’ve tested and compared several different cleaners. I’ve settled on what works best, regardless of the price.
B. I buy whatever is on sale, regardless of whether I know it works or not.
C. I use Windex on everything.
Which answer best describes your attitude towards your bed?
A. I make my bed first thing in the morning. I arrange each of my fifteen pillows with tender loving care. I vacuum my mattress. I regularly launder and iron my sheets. For an extra bit of luxury, I use a lavender spray on my pillows to help me relax at bedtime.
B. My bed serves more for function than fashion. I wash my sheets regularly and flip the mattress when I remember. I’ve been known to fold and stack clean laundry on my bed. I might skip making my bed on the weekends.
C. My greatest joy is to eat in bed. If there is laundry on my bed when it’s time to sleep, I just climb under the clothes. Another name for my bed is “couch,” because I watch TV there, too. I don’t usually make my bed, because I might want to get back in it in a couple of hours.
Which answer best describes your attitude toward your floor?
A. I have a “Hawaiian-style” home. All shoes come off at the door.
B. I’ll ask people to take off their shoes if I just swept, vacuumed, or mopped. I don’t ask my guests take off their shoes. I don’t want to embarrass them in case they have holes in their socks.
C. I don’t ask people to remove their shoes. They may need them to protect their feet from what’s on my floor!
How would you describe the division of responsibilities when it comes to household chores?
A. If you want it done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.
B. I do most of the work around the house, but leave the least desirable chores to the kids. Isn’t that what we have them for?
C. Hey, if it bothers you, you can clean it up!
Domestic Diva – There’s not a mess that you can’t handle. No stain goes untreated. No pillow goes un-fluffed. You are the type of housekeeper that others envy. You make it look so easy.
As much as your cleanliness is to be commended, don’t forget the reason you do it: You do it for the benefit of the people that live and visit there. Ditch the plastic covering on the furniture. Take time off from dusting the back of switch plates to spend some more with the ones you love. You’ll never see a gravestone that reads, “I wish my house were cleaner.”
If you answered mostly B, you are a:
Middle of the Road Molly- Congratulations! You are average! You understand the importance of keeping a tidy home, but you don’t let it run your life. Your house is clean, when it needs to be. You like an orderly home, but won’t sacrifice time with family or friends to do it.
Perhaps, now, it might be time to step up your game. Asking for more help and setting regular routines will help you have more order in your home. Be proactive when it comes to cleaning your house, focus on maintaining instead of waiting to clean until it’s messy again. This will help you to avoid the mad dash of pick up and put away when friends phone to say they are five minutes away.
If you answered mostly C, you are a:
Lazy Lady of Leisure – Girl, youz got some `splaining to do! Oprah isn’t going to come to your rescue. You’ve got to dig your own self out of this one. Your house didn’t get that way overnight. It’s going to take some time to get it in order.
Start with small steps. If you can’t tackle a whole room, start with the flat surfaces, like the countertops or tabletops. Purge all the garbage, sort what is left, and then assign it a home. Enlist the help of others in the household. It didn’t get messy on its own and it won’t get cleaned on its own, work together to create and maintain a well-kept home. A messy home not only drains your energy, but it could also make you sick. You very well could end up with a gravestone that reads,
“I wish my house were cleaner.”
(Sorry for the crummy picture. Santa is a big fat liar.)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
One of the greatest mysteries of Easter is the mystery of my favorite Easter candy, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg. Why does it taste better than the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? They are both made by the same company. They are both made with peanut butter and chocolate, so why the difference?
Then, there is the mystery of how to boil the eggs. Why is it that I can never remember how long it takes to boil an egg? Every year we dye the eggs and I have to look up how to boil an egg on the Internet.
Not mysterious enough? Here’s another one. Why is it that they only put one metal egg dipper in the Easter egg coloring kit? Don’t they know that the average American family has 3.18 kids? Why not 3.18 dippers per box?
Because that’s how they get ya, that’s why! If you want 3.18 of those ingeniously designed egg dippers, you’re going to have to buy 3.18 boxes of egg coloring. And you know you have to, because spoons just don’t work as well. You just can’t dye eggs without those dippers!
Here is something you can do without, that annoying, green, fake grass that goes in the Easter baskets. That stuff gets everywhere! It’s like finding sand in your underwear days after you’ve been to the beach. Every year I end up cleaning up little strands of Easter grass until Independence Day.
Speaking of Independence Day, every year we know that Independence Day will be on the fourth of July, no fail. But, Easter changes from year to year. Why is that? This is a mystery that actually has an answer. According to the all-knowing Wiki;
“Easter falls at some point between late March and late April each year, following the cycle of the moon. After several centuries of disagreement, all churches accepted the computation of the Alexandrian Church, now the Coptic church, that Easter is the first Sunday after the first fourteenth day of the moon (the Paschal full moon) that is on or after March 21st (the ecclesiastical spring, or vernal, equinox)…” blah, blah, blah. Clear as egg yolk?
Although Easter Sunday changes from year to year, I never miss watching "The Ten Commandments." What is the mystery in that? The mystery is this: How is it that year after year Yule Brenner just keeps getting sexier? I love it when he says, “Moses and the Hebrews think they can out-wise my fathah.”
Mini Me has an Easter mystery of her own. She can’t figure out why I'll pay fifteen bucks to have her picture taken with a stranger in a Santa suit, but I won’t pay to have her picture taken with a stranger in a Bunny suit. What can I say? The bunny creeps me out a little. The one at our mall needs a new costume. He looks like he has mange.
Oh, there are many things that are mysterious about Easter, but probably the biggest mystery of all is why the Easter Bunny brings eggs? Bunnies don’t lay eggs, chickens lay eggs. Shouldn’t an Easter Chicken bring eggs? The Easter Bunny should bring, um…Easter Pellets?
Yeah… never mind. Let’s just stick with the eggs.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
In case we are not friends on Facebook (yet) and you haven't seen my outdoor Easter Egg Tree, here it is! Say "hello" to our little birdie mascot, too (We are into birdie mascots at the House of Payne). He/She has no name, yet. I'm taking suggestions.
Later that day....more fun with black eggs and old vases.
I decorated the eggs with colored chalk and used friendly-to-the-environment shredded paper instead of plastic Easter grass.