Thursday, February 25, 2010

Stupid wives and the husbands that deceive them

My B.S. Meter overheated when I saw this sorry couple on Oprah. I think they are both liars that were seduced by money and power and when it all got flushed down the proverbial crapper, they decided to cash-in by writing a tell-all. They are not guiltless, they are not victims. They are vipers, plain and simple. And they gross me out. Don't buy their book.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Idol, Whooz Ur Daddy?! Season 9 Haeley Vaughn

I certainly hope Haeley doesn't go home tonight. But just in case, I thought I'd run her through The Macheen. It looks like The Macheen was kind. What an awesome honor to have the possible parentage of Miss Niecy "Clean House" Nash and the cre-a-tor of the most popular tag line of the 1970s.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Who does what in your house?

His, Hers, and Ours

Who does what in your house?
Thirteen years ago tomorrow, on a beautiful warm day in San Diego, Secret Agent Man and I, joined our lives together as husband and wife.

Every day since, we have marched lock-step together on our journey through life, work, home, and family.

Before we were married we talked about the kind of life we wanted together. He knew my life’s ambition was to be a wife and mother. I wanted to take full responsibility for the proper care and feeding of him and our children and the upkeep our home. That was our understanding and that was our plan. Then…the twins were born.

What I assumed would be a one woman show turned into a tag team effort to keep our baby boys fed, diapered, burped, and bathed.

By the time our daughter, “Mini Me” came along, Secret Agent Man and I settled into our traditional roles of provider and homemaker. He brought home the bacon and I fried it up in a pan.

Being a single-income family is not easy. We’ve had to make sacrifices and endure lean times in order for me to be at home.

Between the travel, intrigue, and third world dictator toppling, Secret Agent Man works long hours. I never complain. I consider it a blessing to have a husband that loves to work. I like going out to dinner, I like buying a new pair a shoes, and I’m not going to complain about how he provides those things for me.

I try to make it easy for him to do his job by doing mine. I’ve taken cues from my hero, Jaqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis,

"I think the best thing I can do is to be a distraction. A husband lives and breathes his work all day long. If he comes home to more table thumping, how can the poor man ever relax?"

We have a clear understanding of what each of us will do around the house. He doesn’t know how to start the washing machine and I don’t know how to start the lawnmower and that’s the way we like it.

No matter what your situation is everyone who lives in the house needs to have responsibilities for its upkeep.

In a family where both the mom and dad are winning the bread, there needs to be equity in the household responsibilities.

Some of the working moms I know will do the cooking and shopping, while dad and kids do the cleaning and laundry.

Kid’s responsibilities could include: feeding the pets, cleaning their own rooms and bathrooms, and helping with the dishes.

At our house, everyone pitches in and cleans the kitchen after dinner. It’s a wonderful change from the time when I would make dinner; the family would take 15 minutes to snarf it down and then disperse to their different corners of the house. Now we are together more, the kitchen is cleaned quickly and the family has learned to appreciate me more.

Even the tiniest member of the family can help out. If a baby is old enough to dump out their toys, they are old enough to pick them up and put them back. It would be easier for mom to just pick up the toys herself, but teaching your children life-long habits of tidiness is worth the time and effort and they’ll be better husbands and wives for it.

If you are having trouble getting everyone to help out around the house, sometimes it’s just a matter asking for more help and making your expectations known. Chore charts, honey-do lists, and scheduled time for cleaning can help get everyone on the same page. Don’t forget to celebrate and relax together for a job well done.

Perhaps skip Hamburger Helper Night and go out to dinner, if you see us, don’t forget to wish us a Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Idol, Whooz Ur Daddy?! Season 9 Lilly Scott

The Macheen is back in action for Season 9 of American Idol. This is the macheen that analyzes the contestants DNA to reveal their possible parentage. If you don't agree, don't be mad at me, The Macheen never lies. It has no reason to. Being analyzed by The Macheen is a great honor and part of the American Idol experience.

I think The Macheen was fair to Lilly Scott, fellow Coloradoan. There are worse things than having a super model and an albino as parents. She could be strapped to another macheen down in the Pit of Despair.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Division of household duties

I hope this doesn't look familiar to anyone.
I am writing about the division of responsibilites in the household for my next column.
Secret Agent Man and I are traditional when it comes to the division of household chores. He brings home the bacon and I fry it up in a pan. HOw do you divvy up the responsibilites in your house?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Manifesting Spring

If I can imagine it, perhaps I'll let myself live.

Day after day of overcast, snow-covered dreariness has taken its toll on my upbeatedness.

I'm really tired of people telling me I look tired.

"Really? I thought I was looking cute today. Thanks for letting me know."

I'm going to manifest Spring into existence. I am going to imagine what it will look like. What I will do, what I will wear, and all the happy things of Spring and maybe, just maybe, I can stave off these winter gloomies long enough to see the day when a little color comes back into this drab, drab world.
I'm going to wear these whilest I ride my pink bike.

I'm gonna quit you...again.

I'm going to travel. Yes, those are my skinny legs and fabulous shoes.

I'm going to go back to my favorite hiking trail with these kids.

I'm going to convince this person to come visit me.

I'm going to poof flowers and not apologize for it.

Monday, February 8, 2010

A harmonious home is just one ancient Chinese secret away

Click here to read my latest article for The Daily Sentinel about my visit with Environment Specialist, Tammy Long, who uses her knowledge of Feng Shui to help people get more out of their home.

Mention this article and receive 25% off your initial 2-hour evaluation which includes a personal traits analysis for 2 plus a 2 hour on-sight evaluation of your home or business.

To contact Tammy, visit her website at

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Because every chicken deserves to be happy

"Funky Chicken says what?!"

I bought cage-free eggs for the first time this week. I was influenced by the mega-marketing macheen which is Mother Oprah. She showed clips from a documentary Food Inc. which I had been interested in but hadn't Red Boxed it yet.

I felt sorry for the wee little chickens, in the dark, crowded together just to make me the most delicious breakfast known to womankind, that is the Sausage McMuffin with Egg. I don't' know if Mickey D's is on board with the whole cage-free thing, that won't stop me from ordering the S.M.E. but at least I can do my part at home.

I believe that everything on this Earth has a purpose and somethings purpose is just to get eaten. But, I don't want to make its sojourn here on Earth any longer or more painful just so I can buy eggs cheaper. If someone knows of a way to make my time on Earth a little better, I'd appreciate it if they would pay it forward, too. Nuf said.