My new home in "Home and Garden"

My first article for the Home and Garden section debuted in the Saturday edition of the local paper this weekend. My picture was even on the front page with the title, "Annie Payne is back!" Click here to have a read.

Above is the picture that was printed along with my article. I must say, I was having a fabulous hair day! Secret Agent Man took about 20 pictures of me before I finally decided on this one. I kept opening and closing blinds, moving the plant, raising and lowering my chin. My editor offered to have the newspaper's photographer come out and take my picture, but honestly I really don't think they would like all the fluffing and fussing I do to get it just right.

#1 on My Summer Book List

It's nice to be able to read strictly for enjoyment, again. My love for Bollywood as filtered into my choices of literature.

The Sari Shop by Rupa Bajwa

This picture could be a scene from the first few pages of the book.

I don't know what I am going to read next. I am willing to take suggestions. What are you going to read this summer?

An Anniethology Ode to Trains.

Japanese Train Loaders.

Didn't their moms teach them to wait their turn?


Indian Train.

"Woot! We're on a train!"


Train Wreck

...wait for it.


Another kind of train wreck...

Click here

Anniethology on Idol: The Final 3

I shouldn't be here. I should be studying for finals. I'm gonna keep this short.

It's obvious to me who the American Idol producers want to win. They put their money into David Cook! I think, that they think, in order to keep American Idol relevant, David Cook needs to win this whole thing. Another "cute kid," like Jordan Sparks, can't win again or they will lose credibility.

David A. So cute, he is hard to criticize, but I saw something on Oprah yesterday that made it all clear for me. Oprah had on "the worlds smartest, most talented kids." She had on a young Philipino girl who could belt out Whitney Houston songs. Although she did an amazing job mimmicking the sound, it lacked the soul, feeling, magic, and life experience Whitney brings to her music. This girl was just a really good parrot.

Don't throw tomatoes, but I feel that at this point David A. is in parrot mode. When he is older, falls in love, get's his heart broken, pays for his own toilet paper, deals with fame, he will become an artist, not just a good singer. The long and short of it... he needs to mature.

Syesha does not want to be the American Idol. Tonight, she tried out for a Broadway show. That is why she picked the song she did. She doesn't want to be a singer, she wants to be an actress.

We should all give her the chance to do that.

My Mudders Day Gift

The Schwin Windwood, for the mom-on-the-go. Rad rubber boots and protective helmet sold seperately. Thanks Secret Agent Man. Thanks kids. Thanks Mr. Bush. I can't wait to add some way cool decals!

Dubya luv ya!

What are you doing with your "Dubya Luv Ya" money, a.k.a your economic stimulus check? Are you stimulating the economy with it? Are you stashing it away? Perhaps you are buying up rice with it? Check back later and I'll show you what we did with ours.

The Psychology of a Messy Desk

Wake me up on May 15th. I have bazillion things happening between now and then. I feel like I just want to go to bed and drift off into a lovely haze of Bollywood, crying Indian brides, love lost and found, and elaborate dance numbers. I love when I dream about Bollywood movies. They are my only dreams that are in color.

As tempting as it is to just let my cares and responsibilites wilt in the sun of my Punjabi dreams, the grown-up in me won't let me shirk my duties. Afterall, who will write my final paper for English Lit while I'm exchanging bangles with Preity Zinta? Who will write my article for the Home and Garden section if I am spinning on a snowy mountain top with Hrithik Roshan? Who will create the Cub Scout Walking Leader Schedule for day camp while I convince Aishwarya Rai to run away with her true love and not go through with her arranged marriage? Who will study for my Geology final while Salman Khan and I enjoy a bonfire on the beach in Goa?

So, the Netflix envelopes will remain unopened and my Bollywood dreams will be put on hold while I take each day at a time until all my immediate responsibilities are accomplished. A good portion of what I have to do between now and May 15th needs to happen at my desk. This is unfortunate because at the moment, I can't see the top of it. Pens, batteries, books, mags, mail, clipboards, chapstick, permission slips, half-drank cans of soda, and Neosporin are keeping me from making the most of my work area.

I had time today. I had time to clean it off and get a jump on my tasks, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to buckle down, clear off my desk and get to work. I know that once the desk is clean, I'll have no more excuses. Once the desk is clean I can concentrate on what I have to do. But, I have this mental block. I am guessing that by cleaning off my desk I am admitting that I am really home from vacation. I am home and it's time to get back to life as normal. (sigh) I admit to having a little of the post vacay blues. I looked forward to it for so long, we had a wonderful time, that went by too quickly and now it's over. (double sigh)

I have so much to accomplish in a mere week and yet here I am avoiding it all while I am typing this post at a cluttered desk.

"Salman Khan take me away."

Or clean off my desk.

Anniethology on Idol: An "Anniemation"

More Hawaii pics

King Kamehameha and his golden loin cloth. Must be great to be king!

No matter where you go in the world, you can always find a Vietnamese lady to give you a pedi.

Dole Plantation Pineapple Train

Look! Pineapples!

L.D.S Chapel in Honolulu




Mini Me enjoying the Hawaii Mixed CD Wendy gave me.

Annie's Celebrity Shake Down

I've been told more than a half dozen times that I remind people of the princess from Enchanted. Big hair, check. Pointy nose, check. Sings while cleaning, check!

Don't try to dress him up and make him something he's not. I don't want to see Jim with Mandy
Moore. I don't want to see him play football with George Clooney. I just want Jim to be Jim, be Pam's fiancee, look at the camera and shrug his shoulders. That's it. That's all. No more. Just let Jim be Jim.

If Mariah would just read my e-mails, she would know that I don't think marrying Nick Cannon was a good idea. Girlfriend, I'll be here for ya when it all falls apart. That's what BFF's are for.

"Up your nose with a rubber hose."

Jason Castro's Vinnie Barbarino-esque charm has saved him, again. Although I am a fan, I am surprised that he wasn't even in the Bottom Two this week.

And just like that, it's over.

I couldn't have asked for anything more out of my vacation. Having a Secret Agent Man for a husband really paid off on the trip home.

Our suitcase weighed 15 pounds heavier on return than it did on arrival. Can anyone say "chocolate-covered macadamias?" The airline rep told us that it would cost an extra $80.00 to check the suitcase. S.A.M nicely agreed, I don't think they were asking permission. When the rep tried to apply the charge, the computer wouldn't take it, because the computer knew something she didn't, she asked, "Mr. Secret Agent Man, are you a Gold Medallion?"

He replied, "Why, yes I am."

The rep, "I am sorry, Mr. Secret Agent Man, Gold Medallions don't have to have to pay extra for over-weight bags."

Me, in my head, "I should say not!! Who are you calling an over-weight bag, you snipe?!"

Minutes later when we arrived at Security there was a long line.

Me, in my head again, " Sigh. I hate waiting."

S.A.M then pointed out that there was an express lane through Security for "The Golds." Hooray! I wonder if heaven is like this?

When we arrived at our gate we were called up to the desk, "Mr. and Mrs. Secret Agent Man, we are trying to accomodate some extra passengers. Would you mind if we moved you up to First Class?"

In my head, "Woot! Woot! Righteous livin'! Oh yeah!"

S.A.M said, "That will be fine."


(more pics later, the usb cord ain't a workin')

Guess who I ran Into in Hawaii?

Another one of my "imaginary blog friends" verified as real! Wendy of "Wendy's Tiki Hut!" She is cute, shorter than me, we took off our shoes and measured, and has super sweet kids!

The temple in Oahu

Short video from the Polynesian Cultural Center. My, oh my, those kids are talented!

We spent Thursday beach hopping. I'll spare you my swimsuit pics, but here is one of "Vanilla" on the North Shore.

Today, we will visit Pearl Harbor and the Dole Pineapple Plantation.

Morning walk on Waikiki and hike up Diamond Head

View from the top of Diamond Head.

Near the top of Diamond Head: full hair

At the top: flatter hair

Secret Agent Man

Film crew on the beach, could they be from Lost? Hooray for new episodes!

That is Diamond Head behind me.

Sorry about the short descriptions. I don't like typing on the laptop.

"Annie has landed on the island."

I am still on MOUNTAIN standard time. That's 3:56 a.m.

We arrived in the late afternoon yesterday. Our home for the next few days is the 18th floor of the Embassy Suites.

I know what you are thinking. (see the blog description) "She must like that shirt, she wears it all the time." What can I say? A crisp white shirt is appropriate for many occasions.

The bathroom is nice. I've made myself at home already, notice the two curling irons.

I have nothing amazing to report yet. After dinner, we went back to the hotel,watched American Idol, and fell asleep. Yep! I am in paradise and I still take time to watch Idol. Poor Brooke, I don't think "Mormon vote" is powerful enough to save her this week.

Right after Idol, 8pm Oahu time, we fell asleep.

On the agenda today is a sunrise walk on Waikiki Beach and a hike at Diamond Head!

More pics later!

Hula skirt? Check! Coconut Bra? Check-check!

I leave in exactly 5 hours for my Hawaiian vacation with Secret Agent Man. You won't have to miss me because I am bringing you along! I know that's what makes me so nice. I will be posting travel logs and plenty of pictures. You may even see another blogger we know and love!
See you in a few hours!

While you are waiting for pics of my island getaway, check out my never-been-seen-before post at Mile High Mamas about volunteering!

It's finally happened...

...Clay Aiken is prettier than me!

Anniethology on Idol: "Idol, whooz ur daddy?" & Thanks "Mrs. Know-It"

The guys tonight blew me away. So much so that I am going to confess something right here, right now. The big confession is...

I can't remember the last time I voted. Maybe during the Carrie Underwood season... maybe. I know! Right?! Shocking! I am an American Idol maniac. But, I voted tonight. Boy, oh boy did I vote tonight! I voted over and over and over again for Jason Castro because "I don't want to see him cry."


I'm also impressed enough with David Cook to give him a new DNA match up.

David has graduated from Fraggle Rock to Kevin Bacon!

In other totally unrelated news...

I have a secret weapon in my arsenal of homemaking happiness. I have "Mrs. Know-it." Mrs. Know-It taught me how to replant my potted Peace Lily.

I was so excited, I repotted my Easter Lilies, too. I hope they bloom again. They smell so fragrant.

Mrs. Know-It doesn't like to be a called a "know-it-all" but, she has yet to let me down when I had a question.

Don't worry if you don't have your own "Mrs. Know-It," click here to borrow mine!

Just another one of my mad mom skillz

Third Grade Projects!

A Nile Crocodile made of packing peanuts.

Fighting King Cobras made of paper towel rolls.

How much of the project was completed by me and how much of it was completed by my boys, I'll never tell!

It may be déjà vu to you...

...but show me some "comment love" over at Mile High Mamas anyway.

You may have already heard that Cutie is engaged. Clickety to congratulate her and see her ring!

"I was never happier than the day I married Farmer Brown."

Cutie, may I suggest a vegetable theme for your bridal bouquet? Think about it and get back to me. (The vegetable bridal bouquet can be found at Tai Pan Trading Home Decor.)

Carronin and I had a great weekend in SLC with Elizabeth W and B. They are wonderful ladies with a fantastic sense of humor.

B. rocks at Rock Band and lives in a beautiful home on some amazing property. She is like the queen of world over there in the U.C.

E.dub is so cute you just want to put her box and tie a ribbon around her. She shares my love for all things Indian and swims like a fish!

We ate some great food, laughed a lot and shopped, of course.

I know you may be wondering, "Hey, where's is this week's post about American Idol?"

I know. I know. I tell ya, Inspirational Song week left me really uninspired. I wasn't jazzed about any of their performances. If you put a gun to my head and told me to pick a favorite, I'd close my eyes and pray for a blank.

The Office PSA - Hooray for New Episodes!

Anniethology presents...."The Unsung Heroes of The Office."




There's a little "Kelly Kapoor" in all of us. Please, oh please let her be in

the new episodes.

India representin'!

"If I could escape..."

Carronin and I are going on a road trip this weekend.

Do your dishes. We may be stopping at your house;)

Anniethology on Idol: "I love you Dolly."

Update: Here is proof that Ryan Secrest is one sick puppy.

Ryan says, "Kristy you are safe. Ramile, I'm sorry you are out of the competition. Kristy eat Ramiele's head."

If I hadn't seen it live, I would not have believed it.

Idol Downgrade: Cheezy group numbers.

Idol Up-grade: Gravity and Jesus.

***

I remember when I met Dolly Parton 16 years ago. I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. Okay, not really, it was a restaurant in a hotel. (I was having a "Human League" moment.)

Dolly Parton came to town to perform at Country Jam. They allowed the staff to wait for her in the hallway as they snuck her out the service entrance in the back of the hotel. Her people said we could say "hi," but we couldn't approach her or take pictures of her.

I wasn't a fan, per sé, but I was excited see someone famous in real life. When the elevator door opened I was surprised at how little she was, except for her... well you know.

That day I understood what the words "star struck" meant. I was so filled with emotion and excitement I yelled out,

"I love you, Dolly!"

I don't know where that came from, but in that moment, I really meant it.

Dolly was so kind, she said,

"Well, I love you, too."

Fast forward to tonight, I was only lukewarm on the performances. At least no one sang "Islands in the Stream." Have you ever heard the joke, "What do you call Dolly Parton doing the backstroke?"

Brooke was good. She should have sang the song "Creepin' In" as sung by Nora Jones and Dolly.
David Cook got a good haircut.
Ramiele is going to be in the bottom three. This song could have been good if it was sung on a Corrine Bailey tip. They should have taken out the country instrumentation. I'm right about this, people.
Jason Castro was so cute, I can't help but smile back at him when he sings.
David Archuleta is back on his game. He should have taken the jacket off, I have a feeling that was a nice sweater underneath there. I didn't see any lip licking. I could be wrong. I have been wrong before. It must be hard for him to find songs that don't talk about secks.
Kristy Leigh, sometimes being beautiful is enough.
Syesha, Syesha. I don't care how good you think you are, nobody can do it better than Whitney or Celine or Mariah. Their songs should just be off limits.
Michael Johns needed to ditch the scarf. And that was a dirty, dirty song he sang. He made this old lady blush. Shame on him!

April Fools!

Just kidding! I'm not converting my blog to "private."

Best Reaction goes to: B!

Oh, my goodness!!!
Have you gone private??
Are you going to invite me? Because I will be soooo hurt if you don't invite me!!
What happened?
Why did you decide to go private? Was there a threat on your life?
Or.......is it an April Fool's joke?
Whatevs, I love you no matter what.
Love, b.

Annie has big news!

Thanks for waiting. Here is my big news:

It looks like I am going to need a new t-shirt for the Fruita Fall Festival!

It turns out, "I'm a big an even BIGGER deal around here!"

Last week I went to lunch with my friend Allyson, (She's moving and I'm super sad.) her sister, Adi (who is looking super hot), Adi's daughter (who loves the movie "Annie" therefore she loves me), Allyson's mom (one of the most powerful women in the Grand Valley), and Allyson's mom's friend. (Lost yet?)

At lunch Allyson's mom told her friend that I write for the Charm page (the women's page in the Daily Sentinel). To which her friend responded,

"Isn't the Charm page about to go through the a big change?"

(I'm like, wah? I thought you worked for the Heart Association. How come you know more about my job than I do?)

Not wanting to look like I was the last to know, I replied.

"Well, yes, they are going to re-tool and make it more relevant."

I thought it was a good cover, but I was actually way off base.

This news made me really nervous. I didn't know how much writing my column meant to me until I thought it might be coming to an end. I stewed over this for a couple of days until I got a call from my editor. She said, in fact, the Charm page was coming to an end. It will be replaced by a photo page.

BUT, because my column is "extremely popular" (her words not mine) they would like to move me to the Home and Garden section!

Home and Garden?! Wah? Then I realized that the Home and Garden section is in the weekend edition. They aren't burying me. They are promoting me! The Saturday edition has way more readership than the Thursday edition!

So that's it! That's my big news. I hope you are not disappointed. I'm not. I am really excited for the change. Of course, I will continue to put the Internet links to my column for you out-of-towners, so you can keep up with me.

I know that words in general have been few and far between on my blog lately. It's hard to imagine by all the weird Idol pics and video logs that this blogger is actually a paid writer, but it's true. I save up all my words for The Daily Sentinel and the Denver Post blog. I would like to think I am forever-flowing fountain of creativity, but there is a limit to what I can produce.

Here is the text of my last and final column for the Charm page.

Hi Mom. Hi Dad. Hi Frank. Sometimes I think my parents and Frank, my favorite checker at City Market, are the only people who read my column.

There has to be more than that, after all I have been writing for the Charm page for a year now.

I keep writing my column and Ann Wright keeps putting it in. She’s good like that.

I know I’m not controversial like Gary Harmon. Well, except for the time that I had the gall to suggest that Vans weren’t appropriate footwear for a professional environment. Can you believe the nerve of me?

No, I am not controversial, I am just Annie. I write about traumatizing my twins, living with a Secret Agent Man, Bollywood movies, globe-trotting, well, globe-tripping in my case.

Do you recall my column about the vision I had complete with angels and devils when I saw the red front-loading washer and dryers for the first time at Lowe's? Or the two-part column about the time I switched our dead pet hamster for a live one without my kids knowing? That was a goody.

People, and by people I mean my parents and Frank, often ask me where I get the ideas for my column. I tell ya, I’m brilliant at two o’clock in the morning. When it’s quiet and dark in my house that is when I come up with my best stuff.

I have a little notebook next to my bed where I write down all my ideas. Fortunately, Secret Agent Man is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t mind the lamp clicking on and off 3 and 4 times a night.

But, then the sun rises and the reality filter shines a bright light on my “brilliance” from the night before, it ends up that only a third of what I write in the middle of the night is actually good. But hey, one-third, that’s not bad odds, I’ll take it. If you like one out of the three columns I write that’s good enough for me.

Now, more than a year after the conception of the Charm page it is coming to an end. But, before you go and cancel your subscription, you should know that you will now be able to find me in the Saturday edition on the Home and Garden page.

I am so excited about this change. My greatest passion is for my family and making our house a home for them. To be able to share with you my ideas, successes, and some missteps in homemaking is going to be a wonderful journey and dare I say, a piece of cake?

So, if you’re out there and you like what you read, follow me to the Home and Garden page. We will keep the conversation going and leave a comment box on each of my columns at GJSentinel.com, so you can leave your own ideas, comments, and criticisms.

Just be gentle, I’m really sensitive. Remember, I cry at hamster funerals.

But, for the love of Dick Maynard, please don’t leave me all alone, just let me know you’re out there.

Mom, Dad, Frank and I thank you for it.

Dear Blog, #1

Dear Blog,

I had a wonderful day today. I woke up, got the kids ready for school, dropped them off, then took a walk with my friend Deborah. Allyson was going to come to but her kid was sick so she had to stay home. After my walk, I talked to my friend Tama on the phone. We decided to go into town together. I know that sounds like we hop in the covered wagon and ride down a dirt road for two hours in our aprons and bonnets. We did some shopping. I got two new table lamps for the nightstand in my bedroom. They are really pretty. I bought them at Real Deals. Then we went to lunch at Thai Chili. I order the Tai Pad. It was good. I had leftovers. I ate them already. Then we went to Walmart. We looked at the flowers in the garden section and talked about which ones we wanted to plant this year. I had to buy some husky pants for Boy #2. I don't know why he has gained so much weight. He doesn't eat too much. I do admit that the boys need to be more active. They are turning into "vidiots." At least that is what Mini Me calls them. After Walmart we went to the Encore shop. Tama got a great deal on a pair of sandals. I almost bought a dress, but then I put it back. When we came back from town I went the tanning salon. Don't give me a lecture. I don't want to hear it. I'm going to Hawaii in April and I don't want to be pale. My 60- some year old mother-in-law goes tanning too. So there. Then I picked up the kids from school. They had a great day. Their teacher sent me a thank you note for teaching art in their class last week. That was nice. The kids wanted to go to Gofer, but I said "no." Maybe tomorrow. When I got home Hannah, my cousin, was there. She watched the kids while I washed and vaccumed the car. I got some of that spray stuff that makes your tires look really black. It's cool. I listened to my new Sheryl Crow cd while I cleaned out my car. My favorite songs on the cd are "Peace Be Upon Us" and "God Bless this Mess." Amen and amen Sister Crow. After I got the car all cleaned up, Hannah watched the kids some more while I went to church for a meeting. It was a meeting for all the adults who teach the children on Sundays. We talked about how close children are to God and the different ways that we can show them love. The speaker, my personal friend Kelli, referenced Gary Chapmans book "The Five Languages of Love." It was really inspirational and then we had brownies. I'm home now. Hannah is gone. The kids are in bed. Mini Me is in my bed. I am already thinking about all that I have to get done tomorrow. Top of the list: Lunch with friends. Bottom of the list: Laundry.

Thanks for listening,
Annie

Anniethology on Idol: "Idol, whooz ur mama?"

I'm not too proud to throw myself into the mix! I can dish it out and I can take it!

+

=

If Kristy doesn't go home tonight, she will be poised to be the next Sanjaya. Week after week, more talented contestants will go home, while Kristy survives each cut with the

"hot chick" vote or the "I heart cocker spaniels" vote.

Anniethology on Idol: "Idol, whooz ur daddy?"

Whooz ur daddy, David Cook?

Gobo Fraggle of Fraggle Rock!

So that is where all the rock talent comes from! That makes total sense.

I am not the only blogger on Al Gore's Internets making likeness comparisons with the Idols, but I am certain that I am the only one who has come up with possible DNA matches with the likes of Lamb Chop and Fraggle. I am the only one bold enough to make comparisons outside our species. Oh yeah!

Simon has critized David for looking too self-assured. That is laughable coming from him! But, he is misreading David's facial expressions. He is taking raised eyebrows for over-confidence, which, in fact is not what he is doing at all. The raising of the eyebrows while he sings is just a way to make his giant forehead look smaller. I know this, because I have used this trick myself. If you have a forehead wider than four fingers, you know what I am typing about. (You are putting your hand up to your forehead and checking right now, arent ya?) Watch it tonight. You'll see for yourself. You know I'm right.

There ya go! You have two things to watch out for tonight. Count how many times David Archuleta licks his lips and how many times David Cook raises his eyebrows. Report back after the show. You know I will!

(Oh, the microscope we put these kids under, it's shameful, really shameful. Am I ashamed? You know I am.)

Update: David and David made a liar out of me! Obviously, they read my blog before the show;) There was absolutely no eyebrow raising or lip licking to be had.
In fact, David Cook is making me a believer. (I can't believe I am saying that.) I loved the version of Billy Jean he sang. They definitely saved the best for last.
Everyone else as great, too. This is an amazing season. Except for Kristy Lee Cook. Simon was right when he said she made a "clever" choice in song. She is going to need the patriotic vote to stay in the competition. The judges were even more clever for not calling her out on it. That would just enrage the red-neck, Dixie Chick hatin' crowd. Don't get me wrong, I love my country, but it's going to take way more than that country fair-esque version of "God Bless the USA" to save her from the bottom three this week.

Just keepin' it real.

Blog Pic Photo Dump

I was browsing through my Blog Pics folder and I realized that I have a lot of photos in there that I have never used. I threw in a couple that I may have used before, too, just so we can reminisce about the good times.

Taken with the camera phone last fall. Moral of the story: Whatever you do, don't forget your pants!

I ♥ pancakes, big time!

"Please Suri, don't run so fast. I can't keep up with you in my huge, plaid pants."

"I should have been her daddy."

P.S. Jen is dead.

Would anyone like to take a wild guess at which one is my kid?

Easter: International Holiday of Mystery

Click here to read my never been seen anywhere before Easter post at my blog-home-away-from home, The Mile High Mamas! It's about the most mysterious holiday ever!

Things I learned from American Idol

Brook White dances like Elaine Benes.

Ryan prefers Chikezie's sweat to David Cook's spit.

David Archuleta only licked his lips 4 times. (I don't think that is a lot, E-dub. Carronin said that it might be a nervous habit and he didn't seem very nervous this week.)

Syesha: "♪ There's a dark cloud hanging over me. ♪"

Me: "Yeah, it's called the Bottom 3." Ouch.

Chikezie can go from Brian McKnight to Taylor Hicks in the flash of a harmonica.

Guess who loves Littlest Pet Shop?

As far as interactive pet websites go, I think Little Pet Shop VIP's are the best. I may be making some enemies here, but I think they are cuter than webkinz. Doh!