Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter, International Holiday of Mystery


Christmas is the most anticipated holiday, Halloween is the spookiest, but Easter is the most mysterious. Easter is shrouded in questions, some of them have answers some of them do not.

One of the greatest mysteries of Easter is the mystery of my favorite Easter candy, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg. Why does it taste better than the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? They are both made by the same company. They are both made with peanut butter and chocolate, so why the difference?

Then, there is the mystery of how to boil the eggs. Why is it that I can never remember how long it takes to boil an egg? Every year we dye the eggs and I have to look up how to boil an egg on the Internet.

Not mysterious enough? Here’s another one. Why is it that they only put one metal egg dipper in the Easter egg coloring kit? Don’t they know that the average American family has 3.18 kids? Why not 3.18 dippers per box?

Because that’s how they get ya, that’s why! If you want 3.18 of those ingeniously designed egg dippers, you’re going to have to buy 3.18 boxes of egg coloring. And you know you have to, because spoons just don’t work as well. You just can’t dye eggs without those dippers!

Here is something you can do without, that annoying, green, fake grass that goes in the Easter baskets. That stuff gets everywhere! It’s like finding sand in your underwear days after you’ve been to the beach. Every year I end up cleaning up little strands of Easter grass until Independence Day.

Speaking of Independence Day, every year we know that Independence Day will be on the fourth of July, no fail. But, Easter changes from year to year. Why is that? This is a mystery that actually has an answer. According to the all-knowing Wiki;

“Easter falls at some point between late March and late April each year, following the cycle of the moon. After several centuries of disagreement, all churches accepted the computation of the Alexandrian Church, now the Coptic church, that Easter is the first Sunday after the first fourteenth day of the moon (the Paschal full moon) that is on or after March 21st (the ecclesiastical spring, or vernal, equinox)…” blah, blah, blah. Clear as egg yolk?

Although Easter Sunday changes from year to year, I never miss watching "The Ten Commandments." What is the mystery in that? The mystery is this: How is it that year after year Yule Brenner just keeps getting sexier? I love it when he says, “Moses and the Hebrews think they can out-wise my fathah.”

Mini Me has an Easter mystery of her own. She can’t figure out why I'll pay fifteen bucks to have her picture taken with a stranger in a Santa suit, but I won’t pay to have her picture taken with a stranger in a Bunny suit. What can I say? The bunny creeps me out a little. The one at our mall needs a new costume. He looks like he has mange.

Oh, there are many things that are mysterious about Easter, but probably the biggest mystery of all is why the Easter Bunny brings eggs? Bunnies don’t lay eggs, chickens lay eggs. Shouldn’t an Easter Chicken bring eggs? The Easter Bunny should bring, um…Easter Pellets?

Yeah… never mind. Let’s just stick with the eggs.

29 comments:

  1. I'm thinking it's because no one will probably pay for a picture of their kid with a guy in a chicken suit, either.

    Re Yule Brenner: A bald guy with an accent and eye liner is always sexy.

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  2. This is my favorite Easter post ever!

    Those Reese's Eggs are my favorite.

    How long DOES it take to boil an egg?

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  3. My husband's work had an Easter party for the kids and the EB came for a visit. One of the people in charge saw my kids sitting at the picnic table eating lunch and ignoring the EB. She kept pointing EB out and encouraging them to go see him/her (?) but they totally kept sitting there. Smart kids! It was a seriously creepy suit that they rented and I would have not gone near it either.

    We don't boil eggs at all. Why? When I was a kid I suddenly realized that hard boiled eggs were not all that tasty and that I was kind of nuts for eating them when if they had been plain while eggs I would have not touched them with a ten foot pole. I think candy filled plastic eggs are much more tasty especially when mommy gets to sneak some of the candy.

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  4. That was some seriously good anniethology!

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  5. I have always wondered who decides when Easter will each year. I usually wait until I see the greating cards sign in Walmart that tells me when Easter will be.

    I love the peanut butter eggs.

    We haven't colored eggs for two years not. I'm too lazy. Maybe tomorrow.

    Now I need to go hide the eggs around the house.

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  6. And then there's the mystery of, "I KNOW the EB hid 32 eggs, so why are there only 31 in the baskets?"

    That mystery is usually solved on its own two weeks later when the living room starts to smell really really bad.

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  7. Oh, so many mysteries indeed! The biggest one for our family is definitely the one about the calendar...it's about as clear as mud! :)

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  8. So let it be written; so let it be done.

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  9. I hate to point out your misquote but Yule Brennar does not say “Moses and the Hebrews think they can out-wise my fathah.” in the Ten Commandments. Billy Crystal said it in a SNL skit. I've watch the Ten Commandments every year waiting for Yule to say it but he never does. Sorry, I know it's hard to have a sistah who's a pop culture super genius!
    I do have to agree that Yule gets sexier as I get older.

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  10. I've always wondered the same thing about the peanut butter eggs! I love my Reese's cups but the eggs just taste a lil' better. I dunno why,but I'm just gonna enjoy them.

    Reading about the calendar makes me brain hurt.

    There is something not right about a huge bunny. It is kinda creepy to me. I wouldn't sit on his lap so I'm sure not gonna let my kids do it!

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  11. LOL at the mange announcement. I almost choked on my Reese's PB egg- which I didn't even want until I read your post. Then Yeah, I needed one.

    I got little tiny Reese's eggs this year. Yummmmmmmmy!

    I'll pass on the pellets.

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  12. PS. I forgot to tell you that I loves me picture on your side bar. I'm famous now. Only to me.

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  13. Ok.. the mange comment made me laugh out loud!!!!

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  14. Sometimes those little chocolate eggs look a little like bunny pellets...

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  15. I too have pondered the Reese's egg versus cup question. My conclusion? I think the cup has more chocolate ratio to it than the egg. The chocolate is more of the prime flavor in the cup version and in the egg version it's more of a sub flavor and the pb is prime.

    Definitely, chocolate should be a SUB flavor, thus the egg is better.

    But, hey, what do I know?

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  16. Amen about the Reese eggs. Amen. And Amen.

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  17. Easter falls on the first Sunday, after the first full moon, after the spring equinox. Is that a little clearer than what you found? I learned it a few years back, & it has stuck in my brain.

    Today I went searching for Reese's eggs. No such luck. I think the employees all grabbed 'em. :)

    We didn't dye eggs this year. Laziness on my part. Didn't even get Easter grass, for the very reason you stated. Have you seen the edible grass? Saw some today. It looked kinda icky, though.

    And we are missing one plastic, candy-filled egg!!

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  18. I kind of love the changing date, it's like the waves tell us when to celebrate Jesus.

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