It's been our family rule that my kids can't play at homes where I don't know the parents. My 8 year old twin boys have been begging me to let them play at the neighbor kids house. I told them no for months. I see their mom on the playground. We have exchanged salutations. We are even involved in some of the same activites i.e. soccer and scouting.
Last Saturday, I gave in and told them they could play over there for an hour. I thought it was weird when them came home after only 30 minutes. I didn't fnd out until bedtime why they came home early.
It wasn't five minutes after I shut off their lights, they were downstairs and crying. They said they had seen a scary movie at the neighbors. I told them they could sleep in my bed. I told them what they saw wasn't real. I asked them if the mom knew what they were watching, they said she did (that's questionable.) I asked the boy, who seemed less freaked out, what the movie was about. He said it was about man eating worms. Turns out the movie was Tremors. (Thanks a lot Kevin Bacon!) I haven't seen it, my husband has.
The next morning they were fine and it was all but forgotten, but I did let my boys know that they weren't going over there again. I told them I was sorry. This was my fault. I didn't know the lady as well as I should have and obviously they have different rules at their house. The one good thing that came out of it is now my boys appreciate more and understand why we have some of the rules that we do.
I vacillated on whether to say something to the neighbor lady or not. I have to live in this neighborhood for a long time and I would just rather avoid strained relations.
What would you have done?
I don't know if I'd say anything just because you don't know if she knew they were watching it or if she doesn't see anything wrong with it then it would probably offend her. I don't know. I'm not good in situation like this!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to know which homes are ok for your kids to go to. You're a good mom Annie.
Maybe they will understand more the next time you say no!
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Tori said, I probably wouldn't say anything. It sounds like you've done well with your kids. They came home when they felt uncomfortable!
My twin speaks the truth.
ReplyDeleteI don't know I'd tell her anything.
I wish others parents had my rule: I always have the kid call to ask for permission before they watch the movie. Takes a few minutes and it saves you grief.
That kind of happened with Fashionista at a member's house.
:P
ITA, you are a good mom :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone--I don't think I'd say anything either. I think it's wonderful that they came home instead of watching the whole movie. You're right--they probably have a better understanding of why you have the rules you have.
ReplyDeleteI think you handled it perfectly - including apologizing to your boys, that was above and beyond the call of motherly duty. :) That creates a feeling of unity, I think.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say anything, and let the neighbor boy play at your house (once) so you can control the environment and see what kind of boy he is.
I echo what everyone else has said here...way to take advantage of a teaching moment.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the teething tablets idea. I had them and had forgotten about them. They worked like a charm!
I think it's probably good enough just not to let the boys play over there anymore.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could be a fly on the wall wherever my kids go to see what they're experiencing and how they're behaving. I know that's just not possible! You seemed very cautious to me and I think it could have happened to anyone.
I remember watching Tremors and it was so chocked full of bad language that it made the movie even more ridiculous. Hmph!
I will admit that Tremors is one of those stupid movies that entertains me. When I was younger I counted the swears in it..it was around 139. It is definitely not for young kids.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else..and I like NCS's idea of the kids calling before they watch movies at a friend's house.
I don't think I would say anything to the neighbor either.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing what some people let their kids watch... my SIL let her son watch "Saving Private Ryan" when he was about 8... yeah. They let me son, Red, watch a movie that we had decided not to let him see... so frustrating. Why can't everyone just think like I do? ;)
I don't think I would say anything to the neighbor but its definitely an ideal time to talk to your children about what they might see in other peoples homes. You can only shelter them so much. And really you shouldn't cast aspersions until you really know someone.
ReplyDeleteAwww...you all are so nice. This is why I have a blog, so other mommies can tell me that I am a good mommy.
ReplyDeleteI like the call and ask first rule of movies too.
ReplyDeleteas with everyone else..i wouldn't say anything to her. because it's true that you can't really be sure of the situation when they were there. but the problem you might have is if they get invited over again, just step in and offer to have that little boy come to your house. that way you don't have to worry. there are a lot of houses i don't want my kids at because i know they're not supervised as well as i would, so i have the kids over here instead. i think you're a good mom otherwise your boys wouldn't have come to you and told you what happened. this has been a good reminder to me to have a refresher conversation with ava.
ReplyDeleteoh, and in the broadcast on saturday night, when president monson said that on AVERAGE american children watch 4 hours of tv a DAY. that just blew my mind. and the fact that that statistic doens't include movies and video games. that just reminded me.
ReplyDeleteMan! What a bunch of milk toast pushovers going against their genetic grain. You chicks know there's really only two things you want after something like that - to get revenge, and hold a grudge (holding the grudge long after getting revenge, even).
ReplyDeleteInvite the neighbor kid over and make him watch Cujo or something. :)
I agree with Tori, Amanda, NCS, Yvonne, Millie, Glittersmama (especially the teething tablets, haha!), Suzanne, Melissa, Kimber, you, and Aubrey! I also REALLY like the call and ask first rule for movies! :)
ReplyDeleteTori et al. are spot on. I always make the visiting kids call and tell my kids they have to call. Things that don't bother my kids might freak others out (you'd have to know their dad- it's a good thing) and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteI would of brought the kids to my bed, too. LOL
If you talk to her, the key is to take it all on yourself. "I know I'm a little overprotective but I really don't like...blah blah blah" Then she'll abide by your rules without getting her back up.
ReplyDeleteOr you could just say No.
Whichever.
I have always told my children what rating they are allowed to watch. They have to ask what it's rated before they sit down in front of it.
ReplyDeleteIt's always worked for me. My kids usually suggest they do something else if they're not able to watch it.
So what's with the teething tablets, did I miss something somewhere?
ReplyDeleteI think you handled the entire thing just right. Next time, they'll know to call first.
ReplyDeleteGAH! I saw Tremors when I was like 6...because my dad was watching it on TV and obviously didn't think it was scary...foolish man. Anyway, it was the most tramatic experience of my life. I couldn't sleep for years...OK, maybe days.
ReplyDeleteHmm...i'm not a mom so I don't have the best advice...maybe just not let them go over there? I dunno...
Punish the bad mommy neighbor by strapping her to your recliner and make her watch non-stop Kevin Bacon movie marathons. That man has made some crrrraaapppppyyy movies. I saw that his new one 'Death Sentence' is already at the dollar cinema. Top it all off with force feeding bacon to her.......and no water!
ReplyDeleteI swear I missed my calling as a suburban houswife torture tactic specialist.
I am a mean mother. My kids don't go play anywhere unless we are there too. They haven't really asked to go and play anywhere though, so it hasn't been an issue so far.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this is totally inappropriate but I would try to stifle laughter.
ReplyDeleteI myself do NOT do well AT ALL with scary movies, even anything that is remotely suspenseful or thriller-ish. Hyper active imagination. Tremors however is probably one of the few movies of that similarity that doesn't completely freak me out, it's just gross.
But I do applaud you on your awesome momming skills, and ditto on the confronting of the mom especially if you have any doubts as to whether she was aware they were watching that.
EWB does make a good point though ;D