11 years later, I'm glad I didn't make a run for it.

When I called my parents with the news, they didn’t believe it. The chances were just too astronomical. Being known as a kidder didn’t help much, either. When they heard the crack in my voice, they knew it was true.

“Mom, I’m not kidding. I really am pregnant with twins.”

Their incredulousness was due to the fact that my brother and his wife had just delivered their own twin boys the month before.

I was only eight weeks along when I went in for an ultrasound due to a little spotting. I told Secret Agent Man that it wasn’t a big deal and he didn’t need to take time off for the appointment. By then, I felt fine and the possibility of twins never even crossed my mind.

A couple minutes into the procedure the ultrasound tech said,

“Well, there’s one of the babies.”

They looked like two little pieces of rice in a sea of darkness in the small black and white print- out the doctor’s office gave me. A few weeks later we found out we were also having boys.

The rest of my pregnancy went off without a hitch. I was lucky enough to carry my twins full term. I was huge! People would ask me if I was twelve months pregnant. So sensitive.

I remember when I was driving through a drugstore parking lot, there were some guys hanging out in front of the store. They whistled and cat-called to me as I drove by with my window down. They watched me as I pulled into my parking spot and waddled out of the car. When they saw the behemoth of a pregnant lady, they sulked away, embarrassed. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself. Pregnant ladies are prone to incontinence.

We planned a scheduled c-section the day before Thanksgiving. My parents traveled from Colorado to California for the birth.

The day before I checked into the hospital, I decided I needed a new pair of slippers. I remember standing in the mouse maze of a checkout line at Burlington Coat Factory. (They sell more than just coats.) My parents left the store to pull the car around for me. After standing in line for ten minutes, I finally made it up to the cashier. She told me I couldn’t pay with a credit card at that register and I would have to get back in line. I wanted to yell,

“Hey, can’t you tell I’m twelve months pregnant? Give me a break!”

Instead, I just left the slippers at the counter and walked out. My parents were so upset to see their little/big pregnant girl, empty-handed and on the verge of tears, they took me to JcPenney and bought me a new nightgown, robe and slippers. Take that Burlington Coat Factory!

The morning of my c-section I showered, put on make-up, curled my hair, and put on my nicest maternity dress. When we got to the hospital, the nurses met me at the door with a wheelchair. I refused. I told them that I had carried my babies this far, I would walk into Labor and Delivery on my own steam.

An hour later, I wasn’t full of so much gumption. The operating room was cold and I had nothing on but a surgical gown. They hadn’t let Secret Agent Man in yet and when I saw that long needle they wanted to stick in my back, I went into panic mode. I quickly concocted a plan. I could use one hand to support my burgeoning belly and the other hand to hold back of my gown closed. I thought if I could make it out the hospital doors, I could deliver my babies in the bushes. I don’t know why I thought that would be a better option. It was about that time when my husband came in the room. I knew I couldn’t get passed him, so I resigned myself to that fact that this was going to happen with or without my cooperation.

The operation was quick. The first sight of my babies turned my panic into elation. I was the mother of two healthy twin boys, tipping the scales at 7 lbs and 8.3 lbs.

The weeks and months to follow were a sleepless blur of feedings and changings. I’m glad we took a lot of pictures, because I don’t remember much of that first year.

Today, my twins are 11-years-old. Every year I am amazed that I have kept them alive for this long. I am very proud of them and happy that they have each other.

Happy Birthday, Boys! Mama loves you.

It's things like this that make me love being a woman

I bought some friends for my new baby. I love my new purse so much, I couldn't let it live all on its lonely so I got some maryjanes from Kmart, yes Kmart, and some Crushed Crimson nail polish from Revlon. They get along great.

Easy one hour home improvement project

I had an hour before my kids came home from school, so this is what I did!

I bought mirror framing kit from Lowes and framed out my builder-standard mirror. It was so easy and would have taken less than an hour, but I had to wait for the paint to dry. They didn't have it in black so I bought dark brown and spray painted it. I tried it out on our little bathroom first to make sure I liked it and I do, so now I'll do it in my bathroom on my big mirror. The price for two kits and one bottle of mirror glue was $20.

Mini Me's Room Re-Do

I didn't intend on spending my whole Saturday in my daughter's room. It just turned out that way. I started with the idea of painting the dressers. Then I realized the handles would need to be painted, too. Then I wanted the bed and the shelf to match the dressers. But, I couldn't very well put these freshly painted pieces of furniture back up against the yellow walls that had taken some use and abuse, they needed to be touched up, too! After that I decided to replace the closet doors with curtains. Everything was looking so good, I couldn't ignore the blue marker on the toy box (Breathe, Annie, breath girl!)...two trips to the hardware store and a bottle of Diet Coke later, Mini Me had a spruced up room! And I had caffeine jitters.

The real "Real Housewives of Atlanta"

As seen in Saturday's Home and Garden section of The Daily Sentinel and at gjsentinel.com.

(Top left: Lazette, Lisa. Bottom Left: Carmine, Annie, and Kate)

One of the most popular shows on cable television is “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”
It is a reality TV show that follows the lives of five housewives from the Peach State. But they aren’t your garden variety carpooling, laundry-folding, bake sale moms.
No, they are loud, brash and rich.

On a recent trip to Atlanta to visit my sister, I wanted to meet some real “real housewives of Atlanta” and see how they compared to the gals I’ve seen on TV.

I asked my sister to find me some of the most fabulous Southern ladies she knows. We set a date to meet them at one of their homes.

Each lady was as beautiful and charming as a Georgia peach and immediately showed me why the South is synonymous with hospitality.

The morning we met, I was greeted by each one with a warm hug. My sister and I were escorted into the kitchen, where the housewives were cooking bacon in a cast iron skillet and the Southern favorite: grits. (I was told grits stands for “girls raised in the South.”)

When I asked if I could take a picture, our hostess Lisa said, “Wait! Let me get out the Williams-Sonoma.”

MEET THE HOUSEWIVES

• Lisa, Georgia native and “life of the party” is a former cheerleading captain, wife of seven years of an attorney and spunky mommy to a 4-year-old boy.
When she is not taking care of home and family, she is a hair and makeup stylist for weddings and photo shoots.

• Kate, “the adviser,” is her friends’ go-to gal. Kate has a master’s degree in educational psychology and is a former high school guidance counselor. Now, she stays at home with her three girls.
When she is not doling out advice, Kate is a social activist supporting a charity organization that helps children in India.

• Carmine, “the beauty queen,” was born in Haiti and came to Georgia via Boston. She is a former model and Miss Massachusetts.
Carmine’s average day starts with a 5:45 a.m. workout, after which she gets her four kids ready for school. Time with her family is very important to Carmine. She and her computer engineer husband never miss their Friday date night.

• Lazette, “the planner,” was too modest to describe herself. But her fellow housewives, who know what the inside of her pantry looks like, said she is “organized,” “hot,” “humble“ and "uber-talented.”

Although Lazette is a stay-at-home mother of three, she says she is never home. She is so busy, she doesn’t watch TV. In fact, Lazette is the only one of the four ladies that had never watched “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

HOUSEWIVES VS. HOUSEWIVES

I had plenty of questions for these real housewives.

“The cast members of ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ are said to be Atlanta’s high society. Is that true?” I asked.

“I’ve been to high society events, and I’ve never seen them there,” Lisa said.

“High society is made up of Atlanta’s ‘old money,’ and they don’t flaunt it,” Kate added.

“One of (the show’s) housewives, Kim Zolciak, says in the intro of the show that, ‘In Atlanta, money and class buy you power.’ What do you think of that and what makes you feel powerful?” I asked.

Being powerful has more to do with who you are as a person and less about having money, Carmine said.

Having her home “in order,” meaning that her relationships with her husband and kids are good and stable, makes her feel powerful, she said.

Kate said her education and a continued quest for knowledge makes her feel powerful.

Lisa added self-confidence to the list.

On “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” there is a lot of drama. Sometimes the ladies’ actions might not be considered those of a proper Southern lady: Pulling out each other’s hair extensions, swearing, gossiping and lying about each other.

So, I asked, “would anyone like to comment on how you think the housewives represent Atlanta?”

The general consensus was a big “thumbs-down.” True Southerners don’t air their dirty laundry.

Lazette gave the answer I expected of a genteel Southern lady: “If someone says something I don’t like or agree with, I don’t say anything. I just smile.”

Then I asked the ladies another question related to Kim Zolciak from the show. She and her daughters are financially supported by her mysterious and married boyfriend she calls, “Big Poppa.”

“Do any of you ladies have a boyfriend? Let me rephrase. Does anyone here know of anyone here who has a boyfriend?” I asked.

(Cricket-cricket.)

Just like true friends, no one was about to “out” a friend. All of them admitted and verified that the others were happily married.

With that, I asked a final question related to show cast members Nene Leakes, who wrote a book, and Zolciak, who started a wig line.

“Have any of you read Nene’s book or worn Kim’s wigs? Let me rephrase. Does anyone here know of anyone here who has read Nene’s book or worn Kim’s wigs?”

(Cricket-cricket.)

The only answer I received was a smile.

Because I love you and I want you to be happy...

...we are going to play a little game.

Lately, I have had some friends come to me asking for advice or another point of view, which I am more than happy to give. Everyone could use another voice in their head every once in a while. (What's that? Shhh... be quiet. I'm typing here. We'll talk later.)

Anywho...I figured there might be a few more of you out there, that need some advice, but are afraid to ask, so we are going to play the Spaghetti Noodle Game. Here's how it works:

Have you ever heard that if want to test your noodles to see if they are done, you throw them against the wall? If the noodle sticks, they are ready. Now, this seems ridiculous to me. I don't know why anyone in their right mind(s) would throw their food against the wall when they can just eat it to test to see if it's done. I didn't say it made sense, I just wondered if you've heard that. (You have? Great, but I'm not asking you, I'm asking them. Sshhh... I said we'd talk later.)

So, I'm going to take this pot of spaghetti noodles, full of random advice, and I am going to throw it out there. If any of it sticks to you, you are welcome.

Sometimes when things are stressful, spouses say things they don't do mean or speak without thinking. At moments like this, give each other a pass. Make up a little coupon that says, "This pass entitles you to immediate forgiveness for the dumb thing you said when we were in a stressful situation." Give your spouse a few and keep some for yourself. They may come in handy. Don't dwell on it, harp on it, or drag it on. Just forgive.

If you haven't touched that lotion, shampoo, perfume, makeup, tonic, or potion in the past 3 months, throw it out.

If you can't turn in a movie on time, sign up for Netflix.

Don't waft the blankets.

If your new shoes are a little big there are these pads with adhesive on the back that you can buy and put them on the inside heel of the shoe.

Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Did I mention that I love you?

You would be surprised at how little people think of you. They don't think you are little, they just don't think about you as much as you may think they they think about you.

Sometimes the voices in your head are just trying to help. (Yes, I told them about Netflix. Gimme another second. I have to click "Publish Post," then we'll talk.)

What do you mean you don't like my dinner?!

A Halloween to outdo all Halloweens

Nathan Hale, a soldier for the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War, famously said,

“I only regret that I have but one month to celebrate Halloween,” or something like that.

I can relate to Captain Hale’s sentiments. I love the month of October and Halloween and each year I try to do it bigger and better than the year before.

Let them eat soup

I’ve inadvertently set a high standard for myself. My kids enjoyed last year’s Mystery Halloween Menu so much that they’ve asked that we do it again! If you missed last year’s article when I wrote about our new family tradition, here’s a taste:

“First, start by setting a fit-for-a-ghoul Halloween table. In order to keep the cost low, I use my holiday dishes, Halloween decorations I already have on hand and some skull straws and an orange table liner I purchased from the dollar store.
Now that the table is set, create a “mystery menu,” from the meals you were already planning on serving. If you are having spaghetti, change the name to “Worms and Gut Sauce.” Or, if you are having chili, change the name to “Ground Goblin Brains with Beans.” Just be creative with the names. If you have young boys, like me, you’ll score extra -cool-mom points for the gross-out factor.
Adding food coloring is another inexpensive, but fun way to add some creepiness to your Halloween dinner. For instance, Black as a Bat Meat Loaf or Purple People Eater Chicken Pot Pie.
With their stomachs full of a spooky, but square meal, a few pieces of candy before bed shouldn’t be a big deal.”

In an effort to “outspook” last year’s Halloween feast, this year I will make soup in a pumpkin. No, not pumpkin soup, but soup cooked in a pumpkin. The recipe and instructions from Cooks.com are as follows:

SOUP IN A PUMPKIN

1 well shaped 5 lb. pumpkin1 c. grated cheese (Mozzarella or Gruyere)1 c. cooked ham, chopped2 c. toasted croutons2 c. creamPinch of nutmegSalt and pepper

Remove top of pumpkin. Scoop out seeds and stringy portion. Fill pumpkin with layers of cheese, ham, and croutons. Combine cream and seasonings. Pour into pumpkin, adding more cream, if necessary to fill shell. Cover with aluminum foil and place pumpkin in baking pan. Heat oven to 325 degrees. Bake 1 1/2 to 2 hours, stirring several times. Remove pumpkin from oven; place on large serving dish. Top pumpkin with lid and serve soup from pumpkin "bowl". Serves 4.

A recipe with ham, cheese, cream, and in a pumpkin, even, can’t get much better than that!

The early decorator catches the millipede

To “outhaunt” last year I had to start early. I started decorating for Halloween in September! It’s an illness, I’m sure.

Mini Me and I created a Halloween tree from a small tree branch we painted black and decorated with little ghosts hung by gingham ribbon. I stuffed and tied squares I cut from an old white sheet to create the ghosts “bodies” and Mini Me used a marker to draw on their spooky faces. Our ghostly tree is now a centerpiece for the coffee table in our living room. My next project was the outside.

I’ve never ventured far past the front door with my Halloween decorations, although I have admired the effort of others. A couple years ago, someone in my neighborhood recreated a spooky graveyard in front of their house, complete with headstones and cobwebs, minus the bodies, I think. I hope.

Decorating our front yard was a group effort. Boy #1, Boy #2, Mini Me and I created a giant millipede.

We used eight pumpkins of various sizes, a couple bags of carrots and a four foot length of rebar.

First, the boys performed the lobotomy on what would be the millipedes head and I carved the freaky face.

Mini Me was in charge of preparing the “body.” After I cut the pumpkins in half, she worked to “disembowel” them. Then, the cleaned-out pumpkin halves were laid end to end in an “s” pattern on the grass to create the millipede’s body.

Next, we drove the piece of rebar into the ground at an angle and left enough of the length sticking out to support two pumpkins and the carved-out head, giving the effect that the millipede was rising up to eat you, I mean, meet you.

Finally, we carved small holes in the side of the pumpkins to insert the carrots or “legs” of the millipede. The result is a great yard decoration to outdo anything we’ve done before, until next year.

If you pass out candy, they will come

For the first time ever, I will meet the trick-o-treaters half-way; I will pass out candy from my driveway.

We are going to give our door bell a rest. Secret Agent Man and I will set up a couple of lawn chairs and light the fire pit and watch the costume parade as it comes and goes. What a great night it’s going to be with our fire, our bowl of candy, and hordes of ghouls, fairy princesses, and Jedi knights. I’ll be sad when it’s over.

I can imagine Captain Hale during the American Revolution doing something similar. Standing around the campfire with the other soldiers, trying to stay warm and thinking to himself, “October is almost over, perhaps now, I will just give my life for my country.”

It's things like this that make me love being a woman

Givin' the Kathy Van Zeland a break. This is my new "baby" from Nicole Lee!

Say "hello" everyone.

It was the wedding of the year! I'm glad I was there.

Congratulations to Jim and Pam! True love forevah!!

In honor of National Poetry Day and my favorite month

I love poetry that is accessible and relatable. I don't like reading poetry that requires a secret code to understand. I think that negates the purpose of being a writer; to clearly communicate your message. This is an example of one of my favorite poems about my favorite month.

October

The month is amber,

Gold, and brown.

Blue ghosts of smoke

Float through the town,

Great V's of geese

Honk overhead

And maples turn

A fiery red.

Frost bites the lawn.

The stars are slits

In a black cat's eye

Before she spits

At last, small witches,

Goblins, hags,

And pirates armed

With paper bags,

Their costumes hinged

On safety pins,

Go haunt a night

Of pumpkin grins.

-John Updike

Make your travel treasures part of home sweet home

A noren (Japanese door curtain) frames a collection of masks. Japanese postcards add the finishing touch on either side of this “Great Wall” of souvenirs.

If you follow of my articles, you may remember a month back I wrote about having a yard sale to help pay for the souvenirs for our upcoming family vacation. We had a wonderful time at Walt Disney World (thanks for asking). We came home with lots of goodies: stuffed animals, water bottles, caps, sunglasses, and, of course, Mickey Mouse t-shirts.



Mere days after our return from Disney World, Secret Agent Man left for Asia. He visited the Philippines, Hong Kong, and Xiamen, China.



We love to show off the things we collect from our travels. Nothing says, “Nah-ner, nah-ner, look where we’ve been,” than a home with well-placed souvenirs.



Whether your souvenirs are from your own travels or gifts from another jet-setter, here are a few tips on how to shop and incorporate travel treasures into the décor of your home.



Black, the universal color
When you are perusing the wares in Peru, it may be hard to remember the correct shade of green you have in your living room. One way to avoid a mismatch it to always buy a decorative souvenir with the color black in it. Black is the universal color of decorating. If it has black it can be worked in somewhere, somehow into your present décor. Black reads as sophisticated, simple, rich, clean, and modern all at the same time.



Buy in pairs in Paraguay or triples in Tripoli
One little Buddha statue may seem lonely on a shelf, but two Buddhas equal bookends! Sometimes it’s hard to find a place for one Chinese scroll or one bottle of sand from your favorite beach in Mexico. But, if you buy them in two’s or three’s then you have an instant grouping that can go anywhere.



If you buy in multiples you may end up, advertently or inadvertently, starting a collection. My brother-in-law has an impressive collection of masks from around the world. Some he has collected himself, others were gifts. Over the years it has become a prize family collection that’s displayed proudly in their Atlanta home.



Go big or go home
Instead of bringing home a suitcase full of magnets, key chains, and snow globes, invest in one big souvenir, perhaps a painting, a big pot, or carved wooden plaque that can be hung over a doorway or mantle. Larger items make a statement.



One of my favorite souvenirs is a giant fan that my brother brought home from his time in Japan. The intended receiver was my mother but, when I had a big niche above my stairs to fill, that fan turned out to be just the right size for the space. Everyone who enters Casa de Payne comments on it.



Hanging in an adjacent hallway is a kimono that my brother also brought back from Japan. Again, the intended recipient was my mom. After we all took turns wearing it for Halloween, the kimono found a place of honor on the wall. It hangs by the sleeves on a curtain rod.



Postcards from Paris
I don’t have a nice camera and I am not a good photographer, so I depend on postcards. But, I don’t just bring them home and stick them in a drawer, I frame them. One of my favorites is a collection of vintage-style postcards I bought in Hawaii. I used a dark wood, collage frame to show them off. I have another framed collection of postcards Secret Agent Man brought me from India. I picked three of my favorites that were taken in the palace of Mysore. I used a gold frame to compliment the throne of the Raja pictured in the postcard.



Show off a Great Wall of souvenirs with color
Every great wall of souvenirs I have seen has been displayed on a wall painted in a beautiful color, one that sets off the collection. I recommend a rich, dark color. Add enlarged, framed pictures of the origin of your collection, especially if you are in them.



Don’t travel globally, think locally
We are so lucky to live in an area with so much natural beauty, with artisans and photographers that have been inspired by that beauty. Buy local souvenirs. Create a “Colorado” room. I love pictures of our home state, especially over-sized pictures of the Colorado National Monument.
Epcot or Estes Park, gadabout or a homebody, you don’t have to have your passport stamped to have your own Great Wall of souvenirs.

Kitchen Backsplash Project

The very boring, vanilla, before picture.

The supplies purchased from Lowes. (I won't hold my breath for an endorsement check.)

The cute and willing carpenter, also known as "Dad." Works for lunch from Taco Bell.



The result!

Loved it so much we did the other wall.


Took the trimmings and lined the foot of the cabinets.

(All thepoor quality pics were taken with my camera phone. Santa is dead, because he has never brought me a new digital camera. )

Freaky, Frenchy, Friday Night

Tonight, I got my red-neck on and used my deep fry'r for the first time.

The French fries were so golden and crispy and delicious that they were eaten before I could get an after picture.

***

Do you remember the Easter tree?

It's been given a new life or should I say, "a new death." Muwahahaha!

10 + 10 = Yard sale success and happy souvenir shopping

It’s a Payne family tradition. Every five years we take a big family vacation and before every trip we have a yard sale to pay for souvenirs.

For our last vacation, we took our family on a Mexican cruise and used the yard sale spoils for sombreros and serapes.

This fall, we are turning Secret Agent Man’s frequent flyer miles and hotel points into a trip to Walt Disney World. So, we will be posting signs, pulling out tables and turning our gently- used items into extra cash for Mickey Mouse ears and Goofy t-shirts.

There are tell-tale signs of garage/yard sale readiness. Admittedly, I scored 9 out of 10 (I don’t have a pool table). What will your score be?

10 signs you need to have a yard sale

1. You can’t fit a single car in your three-car-garage.
2. You have 250 plastic, Easter eggs.
3. Your kids are afraid for lives to enter the garage.
4. Conditions have become so terrible in the garage that the mice have moved into the house.
5. There are unopened boxes from the last time you moved.
6. You are embarrassed to leave your garage door open.
7. You have pool table, but you haven’t seen the top of it since the 90’s.
8. You bought new Christmas tree because it would be too much work to dig out the old one.
9. Every time you enter your garage you hear the theme song to “The Addams Family.”
10. You own a sombrero or a serape.

September is one of the best months of the year to have yard/garage sale. The weather is cooler, people are home from vacation, and there are two big events in September: the Parade of Homes and the Fruita Fall Festival. If you are lucky enough to live near the festival or near a home on the parade route, you will be able to take advantage of the extra foot traffic.

10 Tips for a successful yard sale

1. Advertise your sale. We posted our yard sale online with GJsentinel.com. Make your signage clear and readable from the road. If you advertise it, they will come.
2. Group like items together: house wares, electronics, tools, and clothes all on separate tables or areas.
3. Play music. This helps to keep the atmosphere casual.
4. Plan to have plenty of small bills and coins on hand to make change. Decide ahead of time whether you will accept checks or hold items.
5. Encourage the kids participate and let them keep the money from the sale of their items. While preparing for our yard sale, I unearthed a box of my boy’s old toys. They were so excited to see them again (I should have saved the box for Christmas). Their possessiveness quickly turned to greed when I told them they could keep the money if they sold the old toys.
6. Sell a variety of items. My friend and yard sale enthusiast, Rachel, told me a good yard sale has at least three of these items: 10 used flower vases, some half-used bottles of shampoo, some roller skates (men's size 10), a copy of “The Catcher in the Rye” with some pages missing, and a tent that will sleep six, but has a few bullet holes. I have four of those items. That means my yard sale is going to be awesome!
7. Ask neighbors and family members to participate. Keep track of each person’s items with different colored stickers.
8. Mark the prices clearly, price them to sell, and be willing to negotiate.
9. Anticipate parking. Consider parking your vehicles down the street to make room for your patron’s.
10. Launder clothing items. The clothes at our yard sale will be “Payne free.” If you want something with Annie cooties on it, it will cost you extra.

The most comprehensive look book of bedroom inspiration

Decorati is a wonderful website for home design eye candy. Today I looked through pages and pages of gorgeous bedrooms.

Chandeliers make every room better. That's why I have one in my bathroom!

If I was more hip, this would be my room.

If I was a single gal, this would be my dream room.

I think I need a lawyer

Secret Agent Man yanked my DVR.

Is that considered spousal abuse?

I think I need a restraining order to keep him away from my other technologies.

Texas-sized forehead, be gone!!

I have bangs!!


It can be hard to say good-bye to a standard do, but change is a good thing. I'll live to spiral curl another day. But, for now, I will be sporting the "Zooey Deschanel."

I am having so much fun with this!!

Thank you Pedaling for pointing me in the right direction and thank you Picasa for making your photo service so easy to use!

I stayed up until 1:30 a.m. playing with this. Can't wait to see what else I can do!

Life Lessons from Charo

"Ees all about de attitude."



Meen lof to be slapped around and yelled at in Espaneesh.

Buy car insurance from Geico

No matter how well you play the guitar, people will always remember you for your "cuchi-cuchi."

The Best of Home and Garden

I am working on a "summer rerun" article for the Home and Garden section this Saturday. I will be reprinting some of my best tips and quips from the past year+ of articles. What do you think are some of my most memorable articles? Do you have a favorite?

Anyone?

Hello?

(crickets)

I was afraid of that.

As appealing as peace and harmony may be, don't try this at home

The week before Mini Me's surgery, there was constant fighting at home. You know the kind that occurs between big brothers and little sisters. One night, I tried to explain to my boys that what their sister was about to go through was very serious and if they could muster up a little kindness for her, it would be really great.

Isn't there a saying that goes something like, "If mom yells, `Please stop torturing each other,' in the woods, does anyone hear?"

The day of Mini Me's surgery her big brother's fasted and prayed for her. It was their first experience fasting. To their 10-year-old credit, they did it willingly and without complaint.

After Mini Me came out of recovery and was moved up to her hospital room, they each gave her a kiss on the forehead and then went to grandma and grandpa's to spend the night.

Later that night, when Mini Me was feeling her worst, she wanted to call her "boys." I told her that it was 10:30 at night and that they were already in bed, but she insisted that she had to talk to them. So we called.

When she had them on the phone, she tearfully told them that she missed them and asked if they could play Super Smash Brothers when she got home.

I think that is when the magic happened. In that moment my boys understood how much they meant to her and how much she meant to them.

Since Mini Me has been home from the hospital her brothers have been so good to her. They play with her and fetch things for her. They make her lunch and let her pick what they will watch on TV.

Most touching of all, I think, is that Mini Me is wearing a bandana to cover the horsehoe-shaped incision and 16 staples on the back of her head. Her brothers, in an effort to show solidarity, have decided that they want to wear bandanas, too.

I wish that this isn't what had to happen for my kids to get along better, but seeing their little sister at her most vulnerable has changed things at my house...

...at least for a little while.

This lucky, lucky lady shares her woes on her blog

I've thought a lot about what my blog means to me.

When I started my blog, I used it to entertain myself with the hope of entertaining others, as well.

Eventually, someone decided I knew something and my blog also became a way to proliferate information, as well. Which made me a little uncomfortable, because then I felt the need to write something worth proliferating.

Rolling toward four years of blogging, I'm wondering if I am missing out on some kind of opportunity by not marketing myself. I have never earned one red cent from my blog, but, apparently, there are people out there that think I should and I could. But, my fear is the minute I benefit monetarily from my blog, it will become my business and therefore my job and ultimately I would hate it.

My blog has also never been a place for me to share my woes. I figure everyone has woes of their own and if they are coming to "Anniethology" it's because they want know who the Idols daddies are or they want a peek into the life of nearing middle-age suburban housewife who can't understand why all of her friends are famous and she is not.

No, my friends, complaints about my life will be few and far between, because, honestly, I don't have very many complaints. I am a lucky, lucky lady.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, which I think the faithful are dwindling rapidly because am breaking one of the cardinal rules of blogging: "You read my blog, I'll read yours." Not that I don't think you are interesting, I do. I just haven't read your blog lately. Sorry.


Where was I? Right. If you are a regular reader of my blog you may notice that I don't blog a lot about my children or post a lot of pictures of them. If we are Facebook friends, you know I am a proud mama. But, "Anniethology" is and has been my own. It's not about my kids. I share my whole life with my kids. "Anniethology" is about me, hence the name, which I am starting to hate, but that's another post for another day, perhaps when the kids return to school.


So, after all that rambling on, I am going to change the purpose of my blog. I'm not out to entertain you today. It's the American Idol off-season. I don't have any unpaid product endorsements for you, either.


I am here to talk about my woes, post a picture of my kid, and ask for money.

I've put my life on hold the past few weeks to help my daughter through a medical issue. I know I'm being ambiguous. I'll talk about my woes, I just won't wallow in the details. I've been accused of being an optimist to a fault, but I think that's what has gotten me through these past few days. Look at that kid. She takes after her mother. Look at her smiling just minutes after surgery. Don't pity us. She is doing great. We are 99.9% sure the scary part is over.

If you are so compelled to make a donation to my Paypal account, don't bother. I was only kidding about the asking for money. Secret Agent Man has provided us with excellent insurance. Remember, I said I was a "lucky, lucky lady?"

You multi-task, so should your rooms

Double duty rooms

The largest house in America is in Asheville, North Carolina. It boasts 4 acres of floor space, 250 rooms, 34 bedrooms, 43 bathrooms, and 65 fireplaces. It was constructed over six years and was completed in 1895. It served as the family home of George and Edith Vanderbilt. He had created a country retreat where he could pursue his passion for art, literature, and horticulture. The home is still owned by family members, but it is open to the public as a luxury inn known as The Biltmore.
The average home size has nowhere near four acres of floor space. According to the National Home Builders Association, it is more like 2300 square feet. Most American homes don’t have an indoor pool, bowling alley, gym, or home theater, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have those in your average-sized house. It just takes a little more creativity and perhaps paring down… a touch. Just like we have to multi-task in our lives, our rooms have to do double, sometimes triple duty, too. The difficult part is to insure that the marriage of functional areas can coexist without having to separate under irreconcilable differences.
Here are a couple examples of how the rooms in my home have done “double duty:”

The Laundry Gallery

Who says that an averaged-sized home in Fruita, Colorado can’t have its own art gallery? My children’s happy artwork keeps my new red, front loading washer and dryer, AKA “Thelma and Louise” company and staves of the drudgery of loading, folding, and ironing. I’ve collected inexpensive frames and given a place of honor to my kid’s creative creations. They love seeing their artwork framed on the walls and I don’t have a bunch of papers “cluttering” my refrigerator doors.
Not every art project goes in a frame. When they come to me with a new creation, we look at it with an art critics eye and we decide why it is good, how it is different from the twenty other drawings of Pokemon they have done and if it is worthy of an “art showing.” They learn to hone their art skills and I don’t go broke buying frames.

The Goffice

For a couple of years Secret Agent Man and I co-existed happily in the same office. When his “super secrety “ responsibilities changed from Operations Analyst to Acquisitions, it became clear that he would need a little more space and privacy.
If you are sneaky enough to catch a glimpse of his computer screen, what at first glance may seem like a harmless material requisition, is actually missile launch codes, doomsday scenarios, and other state secrets.
For weeks after being displaced from the office we’ve shared, I worked on my laptop in different corners of the house, but I needed a permanent space of my own to write my articles, blog, update my Facebook status and “tweet” with my “tweeps” on Twitter.
I recently set up my new digs in the guestroom. I bought a new desk and chair and moved it into the room next to my parent’s cerca 1970’s bedroom furniture.
I now call it, the guestroom + office or, "The Goffice."
Deciding on the furniture arrangement was not easy. I knew I wanted my desk next to the window so I could spy on the people in the park enjoy the beautiful view of the Colorado National Monument and the neighborhood park, but in order to do that, perfect placement had to be compromised (Note the bed partially blocking the closet door.) But, all in all, I am really happy with the result.
So, if you come through my neighborhood park, give me a wave and I'll “tweet” about what you are wearing and if you cleaned up after your dog.
Here are some tips on how and when, or when not to merge your rooms:
· Look at the areas of your home which are used the least and think about how they could be more useful. I go against the grain on what most lifestyle experts will tell you. They say that gone are the days of the formal living room and dining room. I disagree. Although, they are sparsely used, I love having two clean and quiet rooms to the left of the front door that are always ready to welcome unexpected guests. But, if this is not your style, perhaps add a desk to your under-used living room to give it more functionality. Perhaps it will attract more use if it had more bookshelves and better lighting to make it a home library. If you are lucky enough to have a formal dining room connected to your kitchen, but “formality” is not your style, I have seen that some families use it as a playroom for their kids. Having the playroom right off the kitchen makes it easy for mom to keep an eye on the kiddos while preparing meals and cleaning up.

· Do not ask your bedroom to be anything else but a bedroom. I visited home recently that had a TV, a computer, a sewing table, and a treadmill all in the same room! How do those people ever relax enough to sleep? You may know I’m a Feng Shui enthusiast and that ancient Chinese philosophy would teach you not to use your bedroom as a workspace or workout room, let it be a calming sanctuary, a respite from the world and nothing else.

· I love the idea of combining kitchen and office. The kitchen is already a hub of activity. It seems like a no-brainer to have your computer nearby. As a laptop user, having my computer in the kitchen with me when I cook is very helpful. I can quickly look up recipes or watch cooking demonstrations. During the school year, I could check the weather, headlines, and school menus while I prepared breakfast and lunches for the kids and never had to leave the kitchen. There’s no need to bring in extra furniture. I used counter space as my desk and a kitchen stool as my seat.

Perhaps I’ll never live like the Vanderbilts. My average-sized home, complete with “goffice” and art gallery are just right size for me, but whenever I dare to dream of living in a place like The Biltmore, an old adage comes to mind, “It’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to clean all those bathrooms.”