Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Annie's lost soul and a product endorsement

I thought I lost my soul. I realized it had been awhile since I had cried. Then I read this and this and watched this...

...and I cried for the first time since, I can't remember when. I DO have a soul afterall. Hooray for having a soul!

If you don't have one of these three tier cake stands, don't walk, RUN! to Michael's and buy one. They make even cupcakes from a box and frosting from a can look good!

The answer to your question would be, "Yes!"

It is true,
Voices Carrie has always been fabulous!

Voices Carrie smiled even though Mom made her wear a turtle neck in the middle of the summer in the 70's.
Voices Carrie made the 80's look good!

Happy Birthday Voices Carrie!
p.s. Santa, please bring me a new scanner.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Don’t let Halloween sour, here’s my three-fold plan to avoid a Montezuma’s Revenge-style Halloween.

I remember a Halloween, sometime during the 80’s. I wore my mother’s pink robe with marabou feather trim, a cardboard crown wrapped in tin foil, and I carried a blue floral pillowcase that I had stripped off the pillow from my bed.

Usually, the kids on our street would just make the loop around our neighborhood on the Redlands. But, if we were lucky enough to talk one of our parents into driving us over to the nearby neighborhood of Panorama, we could collect triple the candy in half the time. We were even luckier still if we could then go to Monument Village, where it was rumored they passed out full-sized candy bars!

By ten o’clock the morning after, I almost couldn’t believe it myself, when I reached down into the bottom of my once heavy laden pillowcase to find it completely empty.

What a pathetic sight I must have been. A pink, fuzzy, rumpled mess with a dented and dilapidated crown, having fallen asleep in my costume, surrounded by wrinkled and empty candy wrappers with half a masticated Tootsie Roll in my mouth and the other half stuck to my hair, turning my pillowcase inside-out just to find one lonely, crumb and lint covered candy corn. I, nine year-old Annie Clark, had eaten my weight in candy.

What happened after that, as I am sure you can imagine, was the worst tummy ache in the history of all tummy aches.

I still cannot look at a piece of candy corn without feeling a twinge of shame and regret for that night of binging and debauchery.

I know there are many of you out there that can recall a Halloween from your own childhood when the sugar rush wore off and the gastrointestinal difficulties began.

Having learned my lesson the hard way, I have created a plan to help kids avoid a Montezuma’s Revenge-style Halloween. The plan is three fold; it’s all about prevention, intervention, and moderation.


The prevention part of my plan consists of pre-trick o’ treating dinner. Make sure your little wizards and witches have their stomachs full of “real food,” before their big night of haunting.

First, start by setting a fit-for-a-ghoul Halloween table. In order to keep the cost low, heaven knows I’ve already blown a wad on costumes and candy, I just use my holiday dishes, Halloween decorations I already have on hand and some skull straws and an orange table liner I purchased from the dollar store.

Now that the table is set, create “mystery menu,” from the meals you were already planning on serving. If you are having spaghetti, change the name to “Worms and Gut Sauce.” Or, if you are having chili, change the name to “Ground Goblin Brains with Beans.” Just be creative with the names. If you have young boys, like me, you’ll score extra “cool mom” points for the gross-out factor.

Adding food coloring is another inexpensive, but fun way to add some creepiness to your Halloween dinner. For instance, Black as a Bat Meat Loaf or Purple People Eater Chicken Pot Pie.

With their stomachs full of a spooky, but square meal, a few pieces of candy before bed shouldn’t be a big deal.


I recommend that all the household candy go into a communal bowl. Then (and this is the best part of my plan) mom and dad go through the bowl and pick out any candy that may be “tainted,” i.e.: Snickers, Peanut M &M’s, or Twix. They can keep the Three Muskeeters, in my opinion.

This ought to whittle the cache down quite a bit. What you do with the “tainted” candy is up to you. (Wink)


This is where the final costume of Halloween is donned, that of “Candy Cop.”

Keep your communal candy bowl in a secure area where you, as the “Candy Cop” can dole out a few pieces of candy at a time over the next few days, weeks, or months.

Last year, our communal candy bowl lasted us until the day before Christmas. All the “good stuff” was gone the first week. By December we almost had to force ourselves to finish off the Bit O’ Honeys, Necco Wafers, and Boston Baked Beans. Who passes that stuff out anyway?

Tis’ true I have rarely met a piece of candy that my stomach didn’t agree with, but as proven by “1980s Annie” without a little prevention, intervention, and moderation, too much of even the best of candies can sour a holiday.

For more ideas and recipes for a Halloween Dinner visit:
· for Worms on a Bun
· for Kitty Litter Cake
· for a Day Old Bath Water Punch
· for Decayed Corpse Chips with Entrails Salsa

Friday, October 24, 2008

Someone is pregnant, again!

It's not me. But I threw a baby shower yesterday. Here are some highlights:
Nothing says "gestation celebration" like 3 different kinds of cupcakes topped with altered art fairies.

Cute cupcake invitations made by Darcy.

I made cupcake marble magnets for the guests. Thanks Elastic, for the idea. I wish I was a better photographer, I couldn't capture how cute these turned out.

Did you get that the theme was ducks?

Speaking of babies. Have you dropped in on _________ to congratulate her on her pregnacy?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

You have to have a Plan B

I love this picture that I have seen floating around the Internet(s). And I am sure it is to blame for why I can't go back to sleep this morning. My kids don't have school today, so I was hoping to sleep in, but this image popped in my head and I started to think about "what if."

"What if they don't win? What if these superstars of the political world don't reach their goal? Then what?"

That is a question I am asking all of you today. One of them is definitely not going to make it. I don't imagine them going back to their home states and continuing their politcal carrers. One of them is going to need career counseling. Here is your chance to give me some suggestions.

P.S. Whoever created this picture, I love them and their mad fotoshop skillz! That would have been a completely unstoppable partnership.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What is your parenting style: Cheerleader or Coach?

In our younger, leaner years, Secret Agent Man was an athlete. I was a dancer. So how did we end up with uncoordinated kids? (click here to read more)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Mom, what does V.I.P mean? It means people who are smart enough to donate to the campaign.

Just one of thousands.

My plan was a total wash. We stood in line After an hour of inching our way up to Security, they decided to close up shop and just let us all in, sans bag check and metal detectoring.

See the little red dot in the middle of the picture? That is her! That's as close as we got.

The snazzy outfits didn't score us V.I.P seats, but we sure had a good time anyway.

Had I not seen Sarah Palin in Denver last month with Voices Carrie and El Jefe, I would have been pretty disappointed in how tonight panned out. See how close we were at the Denver rally? (above)

Conservatism is alive and well in small town America. "Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!"

Sarah Palin in my hometown, today!

I have my Palin `08 t-shirt in the dryer right now! More pictures to to follow. It's my goal to try to sit in the seats behind the stand where she speaks. Those coveted spots come by invitation only. When I went to her rally in Denver, a family behind us in line were invited to sit on the stand because they had t-shirts that said, "not aborted."

My strategy is to bring my boys in their cub scout uniforms and I will dress in my den mother uniform, borrowed from my mom, I don't have my own. I'll have my Palin shirt on underneath. I had to bribe my boys with the promise of Blizzards afterwards to get them to come.

It's a cloudy day here in Grand Junction/Fruita, but it's not dampening my enthusiasm in the least bit! Woot! Wish me luck!
P.S. I'm having my bangs cut today so I can look more like her.

Friday, October 17, 2008

A conversation that may or may not have just happened. An Anniethology Endorsement. And, my children ARE normal

Allegedly, a few minutes ago, I got a call from a close familial relation whose domestic partner may or may not be a hotelier extraordinaire. She may or may not have told me, under the strictest of confidence, that she, indeed, is not pregnant, but that the S3cret S3rvice has just booked, or not, rooms at their hotel for one of the candidates. Allegedly.

After I squealed with excitement, I whispered, "Where are you calling from?"

She might have said, "The hotel and why are you whispering?"

I could have replied, "No, no, no! You'll ruin it."

She defensively replied, "What are talking about?"

I said, "You have to know that they are already bugging the place to make sure it is secure and now they won't stay there because you have spilled the beans (allegedly) that they are coming."

She said, "I'm not using the business phone, I'm calling you from my cell phone."

I might have said, "They have listening devices for those, too."

Back pedaling, she said, "Well, forget what I said. I didn't say anything."

Even if I was telling you about this, which I am not, I could have said, "Don't worry, I didn't hear anything."

"Kath and Kim" is my new favorite TV show. Any show with bananaclips, Erasure, and mallrats is tops on my DVR.

My kids have the day off of school today. I told them that if they are just laying around watching TV and playing video games, I am going to give them chores to do, but if they go outside and play, I will not call them in to help around the house. They chose to play outside. See? They ARE normal.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Joe the Plumber for President!

Joe the Plumber will clean out the back log. Joe the Plumber will stop the rising water from flowing over the bowl. Joe the Plumber recognizes the need for more toilet paper education. Joe the Plumber will bring his own tools. Joe the Plumber uses a hatchet, a scalpel, and a plunger. Joe the Plumber needs no on-the-job training. Joe the Plumber has been to Columbia. Joe the Plumber will root out the corruption of sewer lines. Joe the Plumber will work hand in hand with Mr. Tidy Bowl for the best interest of your plumbing. It's like Joe the Plumber always says,
"One good flush deserves another!"

Go Joe the Plumber!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Family Foto Flashback



(Blogger Brownie Points for anyone who can guess which one I am:)

Now it's your turn. Let me know when you have posted your own Family Foto Flashback.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Thoughts for a Monday morning: An exercise in free-writing

My right ear is hotter than my left. I wonder how long it will take for the smell of bacon to go away. Now that I have typed out my ear, it itches. The boys need new pants. It's gone from summer to winter over night. How ordered frost? Last week I was a smart mom for having them wear shorts when it was so warm. Now I'm a neglectful mom for sending them to school in 39 degree weather. I'm a crummy mom. No, I'm not. I'm over the pity party. Just like that. That just happend. We need cereal, milk, lunch meat, paper towels, toilet paper, body wash, a different kind of toothpaste. That cinnamony stuff is too much like candy. I want my toothpaste to be more medicinal. I want it to feel like it doing something. Aquafresh Extreme Clean in that orangy flavor is nasty. I won't buy that again. Maybe is should pick up some Halloween candy while I am out. It's only going to get harder to find the kind I like. I like to pass out chocolate. Snickers, Twix, M&M's, something like that. There is going to be more trick o treaters this year. Halloween is on a Friday, no school the next day. They are going to show up later. Fog juice, we need more fog juice. I better write down my meeting for Wednesday or I'm going to forget. If it's not on "the brain" it doesn't exist. I feel sorry for anyone who is going to read this. Is this what they call "Stream of Consciousness?" Looking back. Shopping, toothpaste, the weather, chocolate and bacon. Why am I not surprised that I wrote about chocolate and bacon? It's like I always say, "The only thing that tastes better than chocolate is bacon." This has got to stop. I'm sure there is something better I could be doing with my day. It's Weekly Home Blessing Day. That's right. Thanks to the little Flylady in my head reminding me. Man, my kids are lucky. I shouldn't clean their rooms for them, but I will. I wonder if there is another piece of bacon left. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not going to eat anything today. I'm just going to drink. I still feel full from yesterday and the day before. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is really cute. There was a part when I actually cried. "Find your inner bark!" I can't believed I typed that. This exercise is ovah.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Anniethology Would You Rather?

Would you rather give up your cell phone or cable TV with DVR?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I ♥ October!

I leave the dead crickets on the front porch for effect.

Witchy Witch is motion activated. I love to see people jump when they approach the front door. Muwahahaha!

I love bacon. I love chocolate. The only thing that tastes better than chocolate is bacon. I think if I made and sold chocolate wrapped in bacon or bacon wrapped in chocolate.I would be rich. Really rich.I think I could make a bajillon dollars selling my chocolate/bacon combo. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) said that the economic crisis is not "our" fault."Our" being the regular people. He pointed the finger of blame at Bush and top business executives.They may have their culpability, but Harry Reid is wrong.Anyone who is living beyond their means is to blame.Any person or business who uses credit to pay the bills or make payroll is to blame.Anyone who bought a house with a mortgage they can't afford is to blame.A mortgage is a product. Just like chocolate wrapped in bacon. Just because chocolate wrapped in bacon is amazing, doesn't mean you have to buy it.Just because I will make it, market it, sell it, and feed it to you, doesn't mean you have to eat it. It's time the government, big business, and the regular people live within their means.And when I point the finger at you (not you, but you) I have three more pointing back at me.

Halloween 2003