Kitchen Backsplash Project

The very boring, vanilla, before picture.

The supplies purchased from Lowes. (I won't hold my breath for an endorsement check.)

The cute and willing carpenter, also known as "Dad." Works for lunch from Taco Bell.



The result!

Loved it so much we did the other wall.


Took the trimmings and lined the foot of the cabinets.

(All thepoor quality pics were taken with my camera phone. Santa is dead, because he has never brought me a new digital camera. )

Freaky, Frenchy, Friday Night

Tonight, I got my red-neck on and used my deep fry'r for the first time.

The French fries were so golden and crispy and delicious that they were eaten before I could get an after picture.

***

Do you remember the Easter tree?

It's been given a new life or should I say, "a new death." Muwahahaha!

10 + 10 = Yard sale success and happy souvenir shopping

It’s a Payne family tradition. Every five years we take a big family vacation and before every trip we have a yard sale to pay for souvenirs.

For our last vacation, we took our family on a Mexican cruise and used the yard sale spoils for sombreros and serapes.

This fall, we are turning Secret Agent Man’s frequent flyer miles and hotel points into a trip to Walt Disney World. So, we will be posting signs, pulling out tables and turning our gently- used items into extra cash for Mickey Mouse ears and Goofy t-shirts.

There are tell-tale signs of garage/yard sale readiness. Admittedly, I scored 9 out of 10 (I don’t have a pool table). What will your score be?

10 signs you need to have a yard sale

1. You can’t fit a single car in your three-car-garage.
2. You have 250 plastic, Easter eggs.
3. Your kids are afraid for lives to enter the garage.
4. Conditions have become so terrible in the garage that the mice have moved into the house.
5. There are unopened boxes from the last time you moved.
6. You are embarrassed to leave your garage door open.
7. You have pool table, but you haven’t seen the top of it since the 90’s.
8. You bought new Christmas tree because it would be too much work to dig out the old one.
9. Every time you enter your garage you hear the theme song to “The Addams Family.”
10. You own a sombrero or a serape.

September is one of the best months of the year to have yard/garage sale. The weather is cooler, people are home from vacation, and there are two big events in September: the Parade of Homes and the Fruita Fall Festival. If you are lucky enough to live near the festival or near a home on the parade route, you will be able to take advantage of the extra foot traffic.

10 Tips for a successful yard sale

1. Advertise your sale. We posted our yard sale online with GJsentinel.com. Make your signage clear and readable from the road. If you advertise it, they will come.
2. Group like items together: house wares, electronics, tools, and clothes all on separate tables or areas.
3. Play music. This helps to keep the atmosphere casual.
4. Plan to have plenty of small bills and coins on hand to make change. Decide ahead of time whether you will accept checks or hold items.
5. Encourage the kids participate and let them keep the money from the sale of their items. While preparing for our yard sale, I unearthed a box of my boy’s old toys. They were so excited to see them again (I should have saved the box for Christmas). Their possessiveness quickly turned to greed when I told them they could keep the money if they sold the old toys.
6. Sell a variety of items. My friend and yard sale enthusiast, Rachel, told me a good yard sale has at least three of these items: 10 used flower vases, some half-used bottles of shampoo, some roller skates (men's size 10), a copy of “The Catcher in the Rye” with some pages missing, and a tent that will sleep six, but has a few bullet holes. I have four of those items. That means my yard sale is going to be awesome!
7. Ask neighbors and family members to participate. Keep track of each person’s items with different colored stickers.
8. Mark the prices clearly, price them to sell, and be willing to negotiate.
9. Anticipate parking. Consider parking your vehicles down the street to make room for your patron’s.
10. Launder clothing items. The clothes at our yard sale will be “Payne free.” If you want something with Annie cooties on it, it will cost you extra.

The most comprehensive look book of bedroom inspiration

Decorati is a wonderful website for home design eye candy. Today I looked through pages and pages of gorgeous bedrooms.

Chandeliers make every room better. That's why I have one in my bathroom!

If I was more hip, this would be my room.

If I was a single gal, this would be my dream room.

I think I need a lawyer

Secret Agent Man yanked my DVR.

Is that considered spousal abuse?

I think I need a restraining order to keep him away from my other technologies.

Texas-sized forehead, be gone!!

I have bangs!!


It can be hard to say good-bye to a standard do, but change is a good thing. I'll live to spiral curl another day. But, for now, I will be sporting the "Zooey Deschanel."

I am having so much fun with this!!

Thank you Pedaling for pointing me in the right direction and thank you Picasa for making your photo service so easy to use!

I stayed up until 1:30 a.m. playing with this. Can't wait to see what else I can do!

Life Lessons from Charo

"Ees all about de attitude."



Meen lof to be slapped around and yelled at in Espaneesh.

Buy car insurance from Geico

No matter how well you play the guitar, people will always remember you for your "cuchi-cuchi."

The Best of Home and Garden

I am working on a "summer rerun" article for the Home and Garden section this Saturday. I will be reprinting some of my best tips and quips from the past year+ of articles. What do you think are some of my most memorable articles? Do you have a favorite?

Anyone?

Hello?

(crickets)

I was afraid of that.

As appealing as peace and harmony may be, don't try this at home

The week before Mini Me's surgery, there was constant fighting at home. You know the kind that occurs between big brothers and little sisters. One night, I tried to explain to my boys that what their sister was about to go through was very serious and if they could muster up a little kindness for her, it would be really great.

Isn't there a saying that goes something like, "If mom yells, `Please stop torturing each other,' in the woods, does anyone hear?"

The day of Mini Me's surgery her big brother's fasted and prayed for her. It was their first experience fasting. To their 10-year-old credit, they did it willingly and without complaint.

After Mini Me came out of recovery and was moved up to her hospital room, they each gave her a kiss on the forehead and then went to grandma and grandpa's to spend the night.

Later that night, when Mini Me was feeling her worst, she wanted to call her "boys." I told her that it was 10:30 at night and that they were already in bed, but she insisted that she had to talk to them. So we called.

When she had them on the phone, she tearfully told them that she missed them and asked if they could play Super Smash Brothers when she got home.

I think that is when the magic happened. In that moment my boys understood how much they meant to her and how much she meant to them.

Since Mini Me has been home from the hospital her brothers have been so good to her. They play with her and fetch things for her. They make her lunch and let her pick what they will watch on TV.

Most touching of all, I think, is that Mini Me is wearing a bandana to cover the horsehoe-shaped incision and 16 staples on the back of her head. Her brothers, in an effort to show solidarity, have decided that they want to wear bandanas, too.

I wish that this isn't what had to happen for my kids to get along better, but seeing their little sister at her most vulnerable has changed things at my house...

...at least for a little while.

This lucky, lucky lady shares her woes on her blog

I've thought a lot about what my blog means to me.

When I started my blog, I used it to entertain myself with the hope of entertaining others, as well.

Eventually, someone decided I knew something and my blog also became a way to proliferate information, as well. Which made me a little uncomfortable, because then I felt the need to write something worth proliferating.

Rolling toward four years of blogging, I'm wondering if I am missing out on some kind of opportunity by not marketing myself. I have never earned one red cent from my blog, but, apparently, there are people out there that think I should and I could. But, my fear is the minute I benefit monetarily from my blog, it will become my business and therefore my job and ultimately I would hate it.

My blog has also never been a place for me to share my woes. I figure everyone has woes of their own and if they are coming to "Anniethology" it's because they want know who the Idols daddies are or they want a peek into the life of nearing middle-age suburban housewife who can't understand why all of her friends are famous and she is not.

No, my friends, complaints about my life will be few and far between, because, honestly, I don't have very many complaints. I am a lucky, lucky lady.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, which I think the faithful are dwindling rapidly because am breaking one of the cardinal rules of blogging: "You read my blog, I'll read yours." Not that I don't think you are interesting, I do. I just haven't read your blog lately. Sorry.


Where was I? Right. If you are a regular reader of my blog you may notice that I don't blog a lot about my children or post a lot of pictures of them. If we are Facebook friends, you know I am a proud mama. But, "Anniethology" is and has been my own. It's not about my kids. I share my whole life with my kids. "Anniethology" is about me, hence the name, which I am starting to hate, but that's another post for another day, perhaps when the kids return to school.


So, after all that rambling on, I am going to change the purpose of my blog. I'm not out to entertain you today. It's the American Idol off-season. I don't have any unpaid product endorsements for you, either.


I am here to talk about my woes, post a picture of my kid, and ask for money.

I've put my life on hold the past few weeks to help my daughter through a medical issue. I know I'm being ambiguous. I'll talk about my woes, I just won't wallow in the details. I've been accused of being an optimist to a fault, but I think that's what has gotten me through these past few days. Look at that kid. She takes after her mother. Look at her smiling just minutes after surgery. Don't pity us. She is doing great. We are 99.9% sure the scary part is over.

If you are so compelled to make a donation to my Paypal account, don't bother. I was only kidding about the asking for money. Secret Agent Man has provided us with excellent insurance. Remember, I said I was a "lucky, lucky lady?"

You multi-task, so should your rooms

Double duty rooms

The largest house in America is in Asheville, North Carolina. It boasts 4 acres of floor space, 250 rooms, 34 bedrooms, 43 bathrooms, and 65 fireplaces. It was constructed over six years and was completed in 1895. It served as the family home of George and Edith Vanderbilt. He had created a country retreat where he could pursue his passion for art, literature, and horticulture. The home is still owned by family members, but it is open to the public as a luxury inn known as The Biltmore.
The average home size has nowhere near four acres of floor space. According to the National Home Builders Association, it is more like 2300 square feet. Most American homes don’t have an indoor pool, bowling alley, gym, or home theater, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have those in your average-sized house. It just takes a little more creativity and perhaps paring down… a touch. Just like we have to multi-task in our lives, our rooms have to do double, sometimes triple duty, too. The difficult part is to insure that the marriage of functional areas can coexist without having to separate under irreconcilable differences.
Here are a couple examples of how the rooms in my home have done “double duty:”

The Laundry Gallery

Who says that an averaged-sized home in Fruita, Colorado can’t have its own art gallery? My children’s happy artwork keeps my new red, front loading washer and dryer, AKA “Thelma and Louise” company and staves of the drudgery of loading, folding, and ironing. I’ve collected inexpensive frames and given a place of honor to my kid’s creative creations. They love seeing their artwork framed on the walls and I don’t have a bunch of papers “cluttering” my refrigerator doors.
Not every art project goes in a frame. When they come to me with a new creation, we look at it with an art critics eye and we decide why it is good, how it is different from the twenty other drawings of Pokemon they have done and if it is worthy of an “art showing.” They learn to hone their art skills and I don’t go broke buying frames.

The Goffice

For a couple of years Secret Agent Man and I co-existed happily in the same office. When his “super secrety “ responsibilities changed from Operations Analyst to Acquisitions, it became clear that he would need a little more space and privacy.
If you are sneaky enough to catch a glimpse of his computer screen, what at first glance may seem like a harmless material requisition, is actually missile launch codes, doomsday scenarios, and other state secrets.
For weeks after being displaced from the office we’ve shared, I worked on my laptop in different corners of the house, but I needed a permanent space of my own to write my articles, blog, update my Facebook status and “tweet” with my “tweeps” on Twitter.
I recently set up my new digs in the guestroom. I bought a new desk and chair and moved it into the room next to my parent’s cerca 1970’s bedroom furniture.
I now call it, the guestroom + office or, "The Goffice."
Deciding on the furniture arrangement was not easy. I knew I wanted my desk next to the window so I could spy on the people in the park enjoy the beautiful view of the Colorado National Monument and the neighborhood park, but in order to do that, perfect placement had to be compromised (Note the bed partially blocking the closet door.) But, all in all, I am really happy with the result.
So, if you come through my neighborhood park, give me a wave and I'll “tweet” about what you are wearing and if you cleaned up after your dog.
Here are some tips on how and when, or when not to merge your rooms:
· Look at the areas of your home which are used the least and think about how they could be more useful. I go against the grain on what most lifestyle experts will tell you. They say that gone are the days of the formal living room and dining room. I disagree. Although, they are sparsely used, I love having two clean and quiet rooms to the left of the front door that are always ready to welcome unexpected guests. But, if this is not your style, perhaps add a desk to your under-used living room to give it more functionality. Perhaps it will attract more use if it had more bookshelves and better lighting to make it a home library. If you are lucky enough to have a formal dining room connected to your kitchen, but “formality” is not your style, I have seen that some families use it as a playroom for their kids. Having the playroom right off the kitchen makes it easy for mom to keep an eye on the kiddos while preparing meals and cleaning up.

· Do not ask your bedroom to be anything else but a bedroom. I visited home recently that had a TV, a computer, a sewing table, and a treadmill all in the same room! How do those people ever relax enough to sleep? You may know I’m a Feng Shui enthusiast and that ancient Chinese philosophy would teach you not to use your bedroom as a workspace or workout room, let it be a calming sanctuary, a respite from the world and nothing else.

· I love the idea of combining kitchen and office. The kitchen is already a hub of activity. It seems like a no-brainer to have your computer nearby. As a laptop user, having my computer in the kitchen with me when I cook is very helpful. I can quickly look up recipes or watch cooking demonstrations. During the school year, I could check the weather, headlines, and school menus while I prepared breakfast and lunches for the kids and never had to leave the kitchen. There’s no need to bring in extra furniture. I used counter space as my desk and a kitchen stool as my seat.

Perhaps I’ll never live like the Vanderbilts. My average-sized home, complete with “goffice” and art gallery are just right size for me, but whenever I dare to dream of living in a place like The Biltmore, an old adage comes to mind, “It’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to clean all those bathrooms.”

The secret to thinner-looking legs

...is wearing bigger shoes!

I hope my husband doesn't mind me borrowing his size 12s for awhile. If I could find some swimming flippers, believe me, I'd be wearing those if I thought they'd do the trick.

Sorry, I wish I could've been more helpful. The big shoe thing is all I've got.

I'd be lying if I said this wasn't the best MJ tribute, evah!

The screen shot is misleading. Watch the vid to see what Bryan a.k.a. AfricanoBoi thought of the MJ tribute.

Whydoesthisvidmakememissmariadelacruz?mysistahsspacebarsticks.idon'tknowhowsheputsupwithit.

"Justrestinpeacemichaelbecausewereallydoloveyouandstufflikethat."

Warningfromtheblogadministrator:youwillnotgetthis3minutesand54secondsofyourlifeback.

Before you call me crazy, hear me out

Now, there are people out there who still believe that Elvis is alive, but if there is anyone who could and would pull off a back-from-the-dead event, it would be Michael Jackson.

Think about it.

He had the means and the motivation and just enough of the wackadoo to do it.

What better way to prepare for and promote his upcoming world tour than to remind us all of why we were fans to begin with? Come on, honestly, when was the last time you cared about Michael Jackson? When was the last time you listened to a M.J. cd, cassette, or album before this past week? I don't care who you are, everyone was a Michael Jackson fan at some point in their lives. Now, just remember when M.J. sightings start happening...you read it here first.

More unpaid endorsements

Thelma and Louise, my new washer and dryer (scroll down to witness their beauty one more time) need a friend!
I still love this stuff. Sprayway! Secret Agent Man and I agree that it smells great.

These things are saving my sanity.

A sign of the apocalypse...

...the National Organization for Women and Joy Behar side with Sarah Palin?!

Click here for the full story. Joy Behar agreed this morning on The Vi*w.

I need to rethink everything I know to be true.

Forget diamonds. Photo editing is a girl's best friend!

Let no unhallowed picture go unedited. I took this picture myself, sitting at my desk. I don't know why I haven't waved the magic wand over my pics before, but I tell you this, now and forever, I'll never post another picture without giving it the old bibitty-bobbity-boo first!

Heaven and hell embodied in two gorgeous machines

I understand the kind of obsession some men feel over their machines. Click here

to read my latest Home and Garden article.

The Goffice

For a couple of years Secret Agent Man and I co-existed happily in the same office. When his super secrety responsibilities changed from Ops Analyst to Acquisitions, it became clear that he would need a little more space and privacy. If you are sneaky enough to catch a glimpse of his computer screen, what at first glance may seem like a harmless material requisition is actually missile launch codes, doomsday scenarios, and other state secrets.
For weeks I've been working on my laptop in different corners of the house. This weekend I finally set up my new digs in the guest room. I now call it, "The Goffice."
I bought a new desk and chair and moved it into the guest room next to my parents ancient bedroom furniture.
Deciding on the furniture arrangement was not easy. I knew I wanted my desk next to the window so I could spy on people in the park enjoy the beautiful view of the neighborhood park. In order to do that, perfect placement had to be compromised (Note the bed partially blocking the closet door). But, all in all, I am really happy with the result. I'm just waiting on a few accessories to arrive to finish the look. So if you come through my park, give me a wave and I'll tweet about what you are wearing and if you cleaned up after your dog.

Dear Santa, Whatever happened to the camera I asked for? Haven't I been good? Do you see the crummy pictures I have to put up with?

I'm only going to say this once.

Prop 8 was in the news again this week. The Supreme Court of California upheld the proposition. As well it should. Regardless of what the prop is about, the voters decided. It is done.
But, my position is this: I think government should get out of the marriage business. Government should issue civil unions to everyone, gay or straight. Let churches perform marriages.
Gays pay taxes in this country they should have equal rights under the law.
By issuing civil unions to everyone, government still collects its $$, which is all it really cares about, and everyone is treated fairly.
By leaving marriages up to churches, marriage is put back where it belongs. I believe marriage is a religious ordinance, such as baptism or communion. Marriage, to me, is a promise between man, woman, and God. The State of Caleefornya, where my license was issued, does not validate or invalidate my love or covenant to my husband. We do.
By leaving marriage up to churches, that still doesn't exclude gays. There are churches out there will "marry" gay couples.
Under my plan: Gays are treated equally. Gubment still gets your $$. And marriage becomes a religious ordinance again and not a legal right. Everyone is happy!

Really?!

Really, how can these both be "french cut?"

Living with Secret Agent Man

Secret Agent Man was the best guy I ever dated. That's why I married him. He fit all the qualifications: Tall, tall, and tall.

We took a real leap of faith marrrying each other. We were penpals for two years, but only had been together in the same place, er country, for two weeks before we were engaged. Three short months later we started our life together in a small ranch-style home on a culdesac backed up to the 10 Freeway in Covina, California.

Since then we have grown, matured, and developed in our rolls roles as husband and wife. But, he seems to have hogged all the good characteristics for himself. He's freaky smart, physically strong, good with money, socially acceptable and now he wants to add... funny.

He tries really hard to be funny. Almost too hard. If I want to see that guy fill to the brim with pride, all I have to do is laugh at one of his jokes.

I don't want him to be funny, though. He got all the other good characteristcs. Why can't he leave "good sense of humor" for me?

He asks, "But, Honey, can't we both be funny?"

See what I mean?! Freaky smart that man is.

No, we can't both be funny. I'm the funny one in this relationship and I like it like that.

Don't misunderstand me. The man has short comings, which I am more than willing to point out. When he does something I don't like, he'll hear,

"My next husband won't forget to take out the garbage."

"My next husband will notice when I am wearing something new."

"My next husband won't ask me to turn in receipts for a two dollar burrito."

And to this his response is,

"I gotta meet this guy!"

Okay, I give...he is the funny one.

Anniethology on Idol: Finale Recap via Facebook Comments

Annie Clark Payne: I used to like that Jason Mraz song before the Idol Crack Choir sang it!

Annie Clark Payne at 7:44pm May 20
I didn't like that Keith Urban song until Kris sang it! That was a great duet!

Voices Carrie at 7:52pm May 20
Fergie's legs are like buttah!!

Pedaling at 7:53pm May 20
i'm behind you in my viewing- just watching norm right now- we started the show late so we could skip through the commercials- but i'll catch up- no worries. keep your commentary coming! oh, now it latifa

Annie Clark Payne at 7:57pm May 20
Bikini Ho got a boob job!

Annie Clark Payne at 7:58pm May 20
Won't fill the hole in your soul, Honey!

Voices Carrie at 7:59pm May 20
Kara! You go girl! Who knew she could sing?

Annie Clark Payne at 7:59pm May 20
Kara comes out and my son says, "Who's that?" Exactly.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:00pm May 20
Flashing the audience won't save your job now, Kara Dio-nobody-cares-what-you-think.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:02pm May 20
"Time After Time" that's our song!

B. at 8:02pm May 20
Mmmmm....Keith Urban.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:03pm May 20
I'm so glad Allyson didn't ruin this song for me. Secret Agent Man and I would have to pick a new song.

Voices Carrie at 8:05pm May 20
Keith a Kris too much cuteness to behold my eyes hurt!

B. at 8:06pm May 20
I haven't started watching yet...maybe I should do so before Hoss gets home from his bus-trip. Maybe it'll make me Hot for Hoss.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:10pm May 20
Danny and Lionel Richie an a surprisingly good combo. (Standing up and dancing like Paula.)

Voices Carrie at 8:11pm May 20
Loved it! I would buy the CD for sure.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:13pm May 20
Then I rewound it and danced again.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:18pm May 20
Adam and Kiss. They must read my blog.

Pedaling at 8:19pm May 20
kiss- looks like the macheen is for real!

Annie Clark Payne at 8:21pm May 20
I'm glad that song is over. Why do I feel like I need to repent?

Voices Carrie at 8:21pm May 20
Kiss on American Idol? Isn't that a sign of the Apocalypse?

Annie Clark Payne at 8:23pm May 20
Get your peanut butter!!!I can't watch TV without a remote, DVR, a laptop, and a Diet Coke.

Voices Carrie at 8:27pm May 20
Carlos!!

Annie Clark Payne at 8:28pm May 20
Carlos Santana: Guitar solos make me sleepy. The carbotose coming over me from the cookies isn't helping either. It's the Idol Crack Choir, again.

"Idol Crack Choir and I don't care. Idol Crack Choir and I don't care. Idol Crack Choir and I don't care. They're talent's gone away."

Annie Clark Payne at 8:29pm May 20
Another perfectly good song jacked up!

Voices Carrie at 8:30pm May 20
I love me some Santana! Idol Crack Choir, not so much.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:33pm May 20
"I was born a poor black boy." This must be a lowlight for Steve Martin's career.

Megan Joy was this year's Sanjaya!

Voices Carrie at 8:34pm May 20
What's with Steve Martin and all the banjo playin'?!

Annie Clark Payne at 8:40pm May 20
Anoop would have a stellar career in Bollywood.

Voices Carrie at 8:40pm May 20
OH NO just when you thought it couldn't get any worse!

Annie Clark Payne at 8:42pm May 20
Both Kiss and Rod scared me as a kid. Kiss for obvious reasons. Rod, I think because to a little kid he sounds like he is about to die.

Voices Carrie at 8:42pm May 20
Poor old Rod Stewart almost biffed it...did you see it?

Annie Clark Payne at 8:45pm May 20
I thought it was an awkward little Mega Joy shuffle.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:47pm May 20
I'm going to be Tatiana for Halloween.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:49pm May 20
Please God let Whitney come out. Please Dear God!

Voices Carrie at 8:49pm May 20
and I'll be Norman Gentle.

Annie Clark Payne at 8:49pm May 20
Idol will never be big enough for Whitney.

Voices Carrie at 8:51pm May 20
Whitney will never be sober enough for Idol.

Voices Carrie at 8:53pm May 20
Finally I've been waiting all season for Adam to sing Queen!!

Annie Clark Payne at 8:57pm May 20
HA! Thanks everybody! You've been a great audience. The Clark Sisters will be here all week!

Voices Carrie at 9:00pm May 20
SYTYCD starts tomorrow yay!!!

Annie Clark Payne at 9:02pm May 20
Woooohoooo!!!!!

Voices Carrie at 9:02pm May 20
NO WAY!!

Annie Clark Payne at 9:03pm May 20
I've finally picked a winner!!!!

Annie Clark Payne at 9:03pm May 20
It's hard being right.

Voices Carrie at 9:05pm May 20
Wow! I was hoping but I didn't think he would win!

Pedaling at 9:08pm May 20
i am so happy-even if i did find a an hour ago...still really really happy!

Voices Carrie at 9:09pm May 20
Stupid DVR cut off in the middle of his song

Annie Clark Payne at 9:10pm May 20
Thanks for not ruining it for me, Pedaling.

Voices Carrie at 9:26pm May 20
El Jefe came home and we're watching it all over again

Annie Clark Payne at 9:27 May 20

We lost the presidency, but won American Idol! Vindicated!!

"Blogger, Whooz Ur Daddy?!" Installment 4: Done without permission

This installment of "Blogger, Whooz Ur Daddy?!" is done without permission. Doh! I just couldn't help myself. Everytime I see Stacey's profile pic on Facebook, I think, "Ashley Judd."

I just had to put her picture through the "Idol, Whooz Ur Daddy?!" Macheen to find the origins of her patriarchy. And wouldn't you know it...patriarchy = Patrick Duffy.

The Mother's Day gift that keeps on giving

Secret Agent Man has never been much for giving gifts. I accept this about him. There are things that he accepts about me, too. But, he's never tried to kill me before.

This morning after finishing my Mother's Day Omelette, lovingly prepared by Secret Agent Man:

Me: Why is this lunch meat in the trash?

Him: Because it's old.

Me: Is that the same ham that was in my omelette?

Him: Maybe.

Me: Did you just give me diarrhea for Mother's Day?!

Him: We'll find out in a couple hours.